Hi gettingby! I would not spend so much time telling him what you are thinking as showing him. Be affectionate and loving and make him aware that you want him. Try not to overwhelm him because he will see it all as a ploy to keep him around (which quite honestly, that is a lot of it right now..you would not be feeling this way if he had not dropped this bomb on you)
But it's clear that you really love him and want this to work, so get to work! Read SSM and implement the changes in yourself right away.
Have you given any thought to why you felt sex was something he had to earn? Any ideas on what you can do to change those feelings? Cause they are pushed to the background right now, because he has skaken up your R so much, but as soon as things to back to 'normal' so will your sex drive. You must change yourself first and then think about changing the dynamics of the relationship.
One (goofy) thing I have been doing lately is visualizing myself in situations and envisioning what I will do in that situation. How will I act, etc. These situations are the worst-case scenarios for me, so it is helpful to have a game plan in mind, as silly as that sounds.
So for you..I'm sure it is easy to imagine all the sexy things you'd do to him if you could have another chance at your marriage, but let's think a little farther down the road. Imagine yourself tired at the end of the day and slipping into some cozy pj's, only to realize that he is in the mood. What are you going to do? I mean, REALLY, what are you going to do and feel? Picture yourself handling it gracefully and with loving generosity.
Then start being that person right away. Show him how much you love him and be consistent with those changes. He wants to believe that you are sincere but he's been burned and will be understandably skeptical.
You can do this; a healthy and happy sex life is something that every couple deserves. You deserve it!
