Hi Gettingby!

First of all congrats on recognizing that there truly was/is a problem and taking responsibility for your part of it...that's a huge step in itself.

Second...I'm really glad you're in counseling now too. Now one should have to "earn" ML w/their spouse. That behavior was controlling/manipulative...and very, very hurtful. You say you did this because of pride. Pride is often a pretty general term, pride of what exactly? How high was the bar he had to reach in order for you to give in and ML to him?

My H and I are now dealing with the reprocussions of his previous M where his W did this same thing. Now, I'm not saying you did all the things his ex did at all...heck, you've recognized there's a problem...you're light-years ahead of her I'm just pointing out the damage it can do to someone. But before I get off on a ranting tangent...I'll curb myself back in and get to what you were asking about.

After reading your post the first thing that popped into my mind is this..."has she told him exactly what she's written here?" I mean hon, in this post you take responsibility for your part, recognize the problem, recognize how hurtful it's been, are seeking counseling, know now that you want/desire him etc. I'm thinking that if you communicate this clearly to him...and then ask for the time to prove it to him you'll probably be on a pretty good track.

As you've undoubtedly noticed on here...those of us who are the HD partner do feel very hurt, that hurt takes time to get over...and the trust is going to take time to rebuild. Be consistent, do the things you know he likes, do what turns him on...and be consistent about it. Don't give up...it may take awhile, but I think you have a great shot at not only regaining your marriage but also having a much better one than you ever imagined possible.

Congrats & Best of Luck
GEL

P.S. Would you mind communicating what you've learned to other women out there who hold out on their H's as well?

Well behaved women rarely ever make history!