gettingby wrote {{Any advice from people on the opposite end of the spectrum?}}
Welcome to the rollercoaster ride troubled relationships generate. We need more low sex drive women (LDW) and men(LDH) here that are working on being more sexal with their spouse. Most posters are HD coupled to a LD spouse. Some spouses I would consider no drive. Sorry you are experiencing a seperation, but glad you found DivorceBusting.com.
First, to answer your question. Getting brutally honest with yourself first and then your H. For starters tell him your position about this:
{{I've always seen ML as something he has to earn, not something he needs. }} (in a good relationship you need it (sex or ML/LM ) too)
Tell his why you thought this (earned sex)was normal and tell him why you were wrong. Tell him how much you see your position caused the state he is in now. Ask him how he felt while you held off the ML
Ask for forgiveness and state you do not want to put him through that again. Get a plan to not allow that to happen again and tell him about it. Ask him if he approves of the plan and ask him if he sees any faults or if he sees things he would like to change in your plan.
In the meantime read
"Divorce Remedy" (DR) By Michele Weiner-Davis 2001, (Good Marriage firstAid)
"The Five Love Languages" (5LL), Gary Chapman
"Passionate Marriage" (PM)
"Resurrecting Sex (RS), by Ph. D. David Schnarch 2002
"The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". Dr. Laura Schlessinger, 2004
www.marriagebuilders.com has several helpful marrital ideas. Check them out. The concept of "Love Bank" was helpful to me.
Eventhough the titles some of these books might lead you to think sex, sex, sex you still need to know you do not have to be a sex slave or be just domestic help to your H. You still deserve respect and nurturing from your H.
There are concepts in the books that explain some common needs people have, how to meet the most important needs without giving up yourself, quit doing what is hight value to you and little value to your H, how to be a friend, learn when someone dissagrees with your idea it is not you they are rejecting, they just have a different opinion.
To help me, when I started reading the posts, I copied the abreviations to a wordprocessor file on my hard drive and had it open in another window while I read the posts. If you come across a new abrev. you can add it to the WP document.
Why am I here? My W likes things, I try to keep her happy, some things she wanted I did not, W got distant, started buying her things IE shopping addiction, led to 2 people living together with little emotional or sexual connection, lots of naging, more seperating emotionally and time wise and the downward list went on. I started to make changes. Some successful, others a waste of time. It is not easy but can be done.
HairDog here on SSM forum casn tell you how it feels to be in a SSM. So can several other guys and somen women. Sucks big time.
OG Lou Sometimes things improve, almost all of the time it takes too long.
