Quote: Maybe you will get PG if you quit trying so hard.
I have a good friend who went through fertility treatments for a year or so... it was a very emotionally wracking experience. For those who don't know what's involved (and I only know from talking to friends), it might be surprising how physically and emotionally draining it can be. She gave herself hormone shots many many times (I don't know all the details) and then she and her H would ML... it's not like natural family planning where you (I think) take your temp and then go about your business. The process she went through was very cold and clinical... she also emptied out her 401K to get the $$$ to try two in vitros-- that both failed.
At the same time, our rabbi and his wife were going through the same process. The two couples were commiserating and offering each other lots of support. Then the rabbi's wife did get pregnant through in vitro and have the baby. My friend was still trying, getting more and more despondant (and broker). (The rabbi and his wife both come from wealthy families and would have had the funds to continue trying for as long as they wanted to.) But then the rabbi and his wife did another in vitro and got pregnant again! All I could think of was how my friend must be feeling... sure she was happy for them, but so sad for herself. My friend's not being able to conceive was much harder on her than on her husband (he's 20 years older and has grown kids). The whole experience drove a wedge between them. She is now living on her own and hopes to be able to avoid a divorce. They are trying to rebuild their R.
So, Lou, it's not just a case of a woman seeing herself as a "baby making machine." It's much deeper and broader than than (I'm sure you know that because you're such a sensitive guy). For a woman who really wants children and who puts herself through this medical process... it strikes at your very identity. It's not something you just blow off or "get over." It requires real grieving and mourning. Ideally both H and W should mourn and grieve together, but it doesn't always work that way.
I can easily see how a long period of medical/clinical fertility treatments would turn you off of sex and/or make it extremely difficult to go on (or go back) to ordinary, loving, casual, spontaneous sex.
