Hi Dawn, it's good to talk to you as always! I havent had time to post today, but it's good to be busy. I'm doing better, it all just gets to me from time to time...really comes kind of crashing down on me. talking with you and Nevanna and Sage and the others is literally a life saver for me.
I think maybe the reading helps me feel a little more balanced, if I ever need to do a thesis, I'll have the research done for one on mlc and affairs....ick
update here...no big news, really, but it kinda keeps me on track (ha!) if nothing else.
last night when H got home, he sat at the table and talked for over an hour, just "shooting the breeze"...he's pretty wound up/fired up about stuff at work...he only went to work out by walking on the treadmill for about 20 minutes, I'd already gone to bed (it was 10) When he came in, he made comments about me being dressed, then initiated ml...no performance problems at all, and he seemed quite happy and content. he is also snuggling up to me to sleep again.
I've read more than once that the emotional temp of a M is taken in the bedroom, so as gross as it sounds, I've been keeping track in my planner (I sorta thought he'd notice notches in the bedpost) and that is 3 days out of the last 4. I know, no expectations, but I just think this has to be a positive indicator. I recall in SSM that it talks about it's pretty impossible for guys to fake it...
This morning he was really fired up about work again (of course he'd probably been on the phone w/ow)talking about how he doesnt get any respect, he's worked here all these years and thinks of himself as the Rodney Dangerfield of the place. I said something about meeting w/nurses in some of the local medical clinics, and he got kind of agitated, and started saying stuff like "those damn nurses don't care for the most part"....he was really pretty fired up.
I watched him walk through the kitchen, and he looked so cute, I was just watching him and thinking that, and he looked at me, saw me watching him, looked away, then looked back and said "what?" I said "I was just thinking how cute you are" and he just said "oh" and kept walking. At least he didnt get all fired up about it like he has at times. S 12 was there and he was shocked.
I have said ILY some the last few days...slipping back into old habits. I even pulled the major league back slide of emailing it too him. he has responded verbally, but he didnt email me back with it. Now today I've gotten a couple of kinda weird emails from him about changing his hunting trip to go on Saturday morning, said his dad called him at work, which I kinda doubt, and that he will be doing his office work on Monday (holiday) when he planned to go hunting and I'm going to take S out of town to get a lizard. We'll be gone most of the day doing that, and I'd betcha anything H is making plans w/ow....damn....ah, well, I am really struggling to drop the rope.... I guess one thing I do know for sure is, it's been over a year since he had an all-nighter with her, because he's been with me every night since January 2 04, a day that shall live in infamy, when I found his vehicle there and pounded on the door.
Damn I just want this thing w/ow to be over already, as he's told me so many times it is. I kinda cling to your reminders, Nevanna, that these guys arent usually trying to be nice at all, but are distant when they're heavy into ow stuff.
I sure screwed up my weight loss program today...I ate several cookies (like 2 or 3, not a whole box) at a co-workers going away reception. I hate those things.
I don't know, anyone got any words of insight to keep me on track?
I've been reading the Conway MLC books, and they emphasize the importance of being supportive and admiring and forgiving and patient w/this mlc junk while at the same time working on areas of your own life that need strengthening. They say the odds are good if "patience" can be found...several other authors say the same thing....I guess I'm kinda of once again at that "give me a sign lord" point....
Quote: I sorta thought he'd notice notches in the bedpost
Quote: a day that shall live in infamy
First, wanted to let you know that, HONEY, YOU CRACK ME UP! I laughed right out loud when I read these two lines. Thanks! We have to remember to keep a sense of humor through this crap...
Quote: I sure screwed up my weight loss program today...I ate several cookies
Now, I do not know what kind of weight loss program you are starting and I am not an expert in this area, but I think that any program that will actually last and work has to be realistic. Cookies DO exist. People WILL eat them. So they have to be incorporated into any meal plan. I guess what you (any of us) are shooting for is a life-style change not a diet plan. A diet that is too strict will never give you lasting change. I have seen it happen too often not to believe this.
Quote: They say the odds are good if "patience" can be found...
I can't think of another person with more patience than you! You are bound for success! (Hope I am not the last to post on this thread...yikes.)
Quote: I've been reading the Conway MLC books, and they emphasize the importance of being supportive and admiring and forgiving and patient w/this mlc junk while at the same time working on areas of your own life that need strengthening. They say the odds are good if "patience" can be found...several other authors say the same thing....I guess I'm kinda of once again at that "give me a sign lord" point....
A sign would be SOOOOO useful! Then we could either hang in there knowing it is going somehwere, or give up and move on. It's wondering whether your patience is going to get you anywhere that is so maddening!
Livnlearn
(waitng for all those people to write in about how DBing is for yourself, not to get your spouse back..... but admit it, it does cross our minds sometimes )
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
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