Leo is available on CD! Yeah! My sis got it for me for Christmas last year along with Bob Seger's "Night Moves". We also had a Boston tape that we loved...can't remember the album. And a couple years ago I bought myself "The Best of Bread". Major make-out tape. LOL I can remember my H coming over (8th grade...wow) to my mom's house and popping that tape in quite a few times! Ah, memory lane. Feeling geezerish. LOL
My health is great, no problems. Thank goodness! I have enough medical bills to contend with right now!
H is great too. (Although still no ILYs. This bums me out but I will out last him! LOL Sometimes I think that he is waiting for me to say it first. But I won't. It's his deal.) He has been working hard. Seven days this week about 16 hours a day. His attitude so far is good (He does have his moments but who wouldn't?). I appreciate his hard work (and he mine, since I have had to pick up the slack in our business) and I tell him so often. Have taken on the role of non-complaining support personnel....ugh.
The pup is source of joy for both of us. She has boundless energy and is so loving. H tells me often that it is the best gift he ever received.
I am feeling better, having posted to you! Thanks! Was down...nothing I wanted to talk about on the bb.
I will look in on you tomorrow. You take care Deb.
The cell phone bill could be a tricky situation. It will probably backfire on you if he has forgotten to pay it. My h is a good one for thinking that I "just know" everything. And then he gets aggrevated that I didn't share something with him. Example: H- "Honey, have you seen my boots?" Me-"no" H-"Are you sure? Or are you just trying to teach me a lesson?" Me- "I hereby swear on a stack of bibles that I have no earthy idea where your boots are."
Can you casually mention something about it? Maybe, "hey, do you need the checkbook to pay the cell bill?"
The crazymaker has me in a choke hold this morning, and I am really having a tough time.
H told me this AM that there is a meeting of clinicians this Friday evening at a restuarant to assess what their concerns are for a newly organized employee-management committee here at work--gulp
I am on that committee, we met today, and as meeting times were being discussed, one of the clinical representatives mentioned that he doesnt work on Fridays...H has told me that this guy does, in order to make his quota...Is H setting me up for being gone on Fridays now?????? gulp....
As I came to work, H was just going into the other building. He left several minutes ahead of me....phone calls, etc?????
THEN, the coupe de gras, as I'm coming out of the building where the meeting was, I see that ow's vehicle is parked right next to H's. Last time this happened was just over a year ago, when she put a neck chain in his vehicle that he had left at her place. Also on a Tuesday.
I have such a hard time, I know I make assumptions, but the problem I have is that I am seldom off base on them. It stinks...being wrong would be such a comfort....
I don't know, H is snuggling close in bed at night, but maybe it's just because it's colder. He seems warm, and friendly, but maybe it's just throw me off track.
I'm sorry you're having a tough time today...I'm gonna throw something out there...something I've been thinking about for you for some time...maybe it will stick?
Here's my proposal...a 180 for you to rock all 180s...what if you decided to STOP monitoring your sitch in regards to h and ow. I mean STOP. I mean stop looking at the position of cars, stop checking timesheets, stop thinking about h's day off, stop thinking about phone calls and e-mails and all of that.
COLD TURKEY.
Deb repeats to herself over and over and over again "I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR H'S FIDELITY OR ACTIONS".
What if you not only dropped the rope but you packed it up and shipped it airmail on a round the world tour?
What if you really and truly just STOPPED?
I know it probably sounds absurd to you...I mean, how could you JUST STOP taking the temperarture of this? How could you JUST STOP monitoring and feeling responsible and all? Wouldn't that lead you straight to heck in a handbasket? Isn't that just assuring that something will start up? continue w/o your watchful eye??
OR, would it mean that you'd have much more energy for yourself?
Would it mean that your h would feel an instant alleviation of pressure -- some of it very much unrelated to his actions and related only to your interpretation of his actions.
Would it mean that all of a sudden your h would be the only person truly responsible for his actions, his control, his fidelity?
What do you think that would look like, Deb? How would it feel?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
No whacks here, I know this is hard. I understand completely why this stuff bothers you.
Quote: Is H setting me up for being gone on Fridays now??????
If he's gone, can you be busy on Fridays? Remember, he seems to respond when you go out and get a life!!
Quote: ow's vehicle is parked right next to H's...
Ew, ew, ew....
Okay, granted, gross. But just because it was for that reason before, doesn't mean it is now. (I have this problem, too. )
Quote: but maybe it's just throw me off track.
That just wouldn't make sense. Most of these guys just pull waaaaay back if they really don't want to be with you.
Remember, he is going to weeble wobble back and forth for awhile. But is sounds like he more "with" you than "with" her. Make sense?
In all honesty, the best thing you can do--for your sitch and for yourself--is to get a life. I know your son is an issue. But can he stay with his dad or friends or something? I see nothing wrong with saying "Hey, I'm going to a retreat/spa/out of town this weekend, can you watch S?"
I am not sure I understand the ins and outs of what you have posted. But, on the other hand, I don't think that I have do to see that your train is off the tracks again!
These things are beyond your control! Try your best to put your focus where it SHOULD be...on you. In doing so, you will be accomplishing your GAL goals which, in turn, gets you farther down the DB path.
Yep, pretty disgusting to see the sl$tmobilbe by your H's car. But it's just a car, afterall. Maybe there wasn't another space? Maybe she feels like playing games with you? or with H? Please, do not dwell on it!
Hi all, I've been busy with work today and not had time to post...the busyness helps me get a little more on track though...I feel quite a bit better. Thank you all for your input, I would probably swirl right down the drain if it wasnt for you all...so, to respond to each of your posts, because I think each has so much helpful insight:
Sage...yep, I know you are right, and the same thought has been knocking around in my head, I gotta put it to work/into practice. I have actually been considering something that I read on someones thread in mlc, I know Snodderly posted it, and I think it may have been to What's Next, but she suggested wearing rubber bands on your wrist and snapping them hard when you think of ow/h. I am thinking I'm going to do this. I know this is sometimes effective in helping people deal with anxiety/compulsive thoughts (what, who, me?) of other types, so it makes sense it might help with this. I hadnt considered that this would alleviate some of the pressure for him, though. besides not making me so sick from it all...
Nevanna...yes, I will be gone doing something fun if H starts disappearing on Fridays. I could make arrangements for S to visit grandparents, and be gone for a while. Actually, S and i are going to a town three hours away on MLK day to pick up a skink (lizard) for S...I think H is going hunting, but S and I are going to do this....so, a small step. Your observation that usually these guys are WAAAAYYYY off not wanting anything to do with the LBS helps. I remember distinctly, clearly when I stop to think about it, that H WAS that way....every fiber in his being screamed and echoed his drive to be as far away from me and the kids and home as he could be. He just DID NOT want to be anywhere near any of us at any time, and it was pretty darn clear. Now he actually does seem to be happy to be with us, and home.
Dawn, thanks, I know my train gets off track so easily...I had not thought that dear ow might be playing games w/me or h....i do know she'd delight in it, though. It even occurred to me earlier that she may have come on to H with her "poor me" song to get him to go on the trip with her to get me to kick him out of the house. I even said something to that effect to H, and he said "well don't you think she must be getting discouraged that you don't?" which made me think that maybe that thought was pretty accurate.
I'm working on the GAL still...see above for road trip planned with S next week! I went to a weight loss class last night! left H at home, and went. S was kinda upset...don't know what he thought, but I reassured him it only lasted an hour.
I got an email from H earlier this afternoon, which said in part this:
Quote: I requested going to (out of town office) on Tuesdays and hope that I can, be totally separated from this shithole!!
Now, does that sound like the throes of mlc still, or what. However, I've found that when he is in this kind of mood towards work, it usually means something is up with ow...so maybe that was a part of the parking thing.
I replied that I was glad he'd applied for that, thought he would enjoy it and that it made sense as busy as that office is.... I mentioned that it sounded like he'd been having a rough day, and that if it helped I'd been thinking of him and was looking forward to seeing him, and he responded with "thanks, I'm looking forward to seeing you too"...I'm choosing to take that as a positive.
Quote: "thanks, I'm looking forward to seeing you too"...I'm choosing to take that as a positive.
Sounds like one to me.
Hey, I think if it weren't for this BB, I would have lost my mind. I took it baaaaaad from my H. I actually physically shook, just couldn't stop from shaking. Just journaling on my own didn't seem to be enough...but getting feedback and knowing that other people actually take the time out to read what I have to say really has helped me a lot. Definately knowing that I am not the only one has been a huge help to me.
And now I am now a reformed crazymaker. (At least, I'm good most days... )
Quote: I had not thought that dear ow might be playing games w/me or h
Really? xow tried to mess with H. Actually, she did...that's how the whole PA happened, but that's beside the point. But she used to come into his former job, made a whole big scene. On more than one occasion. It's kind of funny now, it was so pathetic.
And then there's psycho. Of course, a part (very small) of me actually feels sorry for her, because I think she is genuinely nuts. But man, did she ever try to play mind games. Too bad she's also dumb. (I know, I'm mean...but hey, I'm tired of faking "nice" when other people try to interfere in my M.)
Of course, I think there's something just "off" with anyone who would pursue an M person...
So if being busy helps you stay distracted, could you find stuff to do around the house when you get worked up? New projects or a new hobby or something like that? Maybe try a yoga video?
Happy to read that you are doing better today! Yeah! OH, and please note that I did not use the term "crazymaker"! I plan to stick to that deal with you. LOL Just had to find another term for it! Seriously though, I have come to trust YOUR instincts with regard to H. I do think that you should too BUT (big BUT) it's what you do with those feelings that make the difference between Dbing and just plain going nuts!
I was just reading over lunch "Men in Midlife Crisis" by Jim Conway, and it talks about ow as being people with great emotional needs, that they usually are people who are distant from their parents, especially fathers, and have often been sexually abused, and something else I don't recall at the moment, but that is about the 3rd author I've found that makes that type of association, so not that it helps much, but we're not off base in our thinking that they're pretty wacked out.
I'm thinking of trying some pilates tapes...I hear some folks get great results from them. I did my workout yesterday, and one of the fitness techs showed me some different ways to use the machines...I really feel it today, so maybe I will see more results...I officially start the weight loss program on Monday...ick...I hear the first few weeks are really tough, but I gotta do something, so maybe it will help. I just hit a plateau and nothing is budging.
I'm doing some better today, I have so much to do, and ow parked a whole 2 spaces away from H, so that helps. I'll post an update in a little bit, I wanna check in with Dawn
thanks so much for checking in on me...I know I'm not very good at posting to you, I've been such a mess lately, I don't feel like I have much to offer anyone (guess that kinda puts me in the bottomless pit category, huh?)
) 
(At least, I'm good most days...