Quote: --tuning into every little thing he does for me, no matter how small, no matter how much it seems like he "should" do them, and expressing gratitude and appreciation for them... --making a point of mentioning things about him that I find appealing as often as possible...several time each day..."filling his cup" so to speak... --I would not hesitate to make overt gestures of admiration/appreciation...like sending little cards, thank-you notes, etc., --I would even occassionally "set things up" to have him so some little thing so I could thank him...I did a little bit of that this weekend, and didnt get a negative result. I'll post a little later about that.
This is all good stuff (and great job on figuring out that creating some events is a good thing, too!) now remember...slow and steady...try not to overwhelm h with gratitude or you are right, he may feel pressured!
I'd start by saying "thank you" often. Maybe hold off on the note?
Quote: I am going to make this a concerted effort, and see what the results are...what is an appropriate amount of time that I might commit to this? REALLY go all out for say, 6 weeks and then reassess, but watching to stop immediately if he responds negatively??????
well....if he reacts negatively I would say that it's because he's feeling pressured or overwhelmed so scaling back would be a good solution -- but isn't saying "thank you" a reasonable thing to do? so, note some things around the house he's done and thank him for them. doesn't have to be a big production -- just say "thanks" or "I really appreciated this". I suspect if you keep it low key, he will not give a negative reaction.
Quote: One of my concerns is that in my "study" of mlc, pressure on my part is a big no-no. I'm not quite sure how to express admiration/appreciation without it coming across as pressuring...what makes it pressure and not affirming? that is not at all clear to me, and it's a big concern.
well, kiddo...Nevanna's answer was right on...pressure often results from the expectation that there IS a good response -- like if h gets the sense from you that there is a right or wrong way to react to your thanks, well, he'll likely feel pressured...also, if you react badly if HE doesn't react...also creates a sense of pressure.
What if, instead of this being a test of some sort, you just really ingrained into your mind and body and heart that your h seems to love being appreciated? If you felt that with all of you being, his reaction to your offering up thanks wouldn't be a big deal, right?
also, as far as "pressure" goes...I'll say again that I think you should scale back your plans...start out by just saying thank you and meaning it.
Quote: I'm thinking also here about AOS...acts of service...Am I correct in recalling from 5LL that we tend to speak to others in our own LL? if so, wouldnt his doing little things like warming the car for me be an act of service? and so to interpret that fact that he does that for me as it being something that speaks "love" to him would be on target, right? So then "acts of service" would be another way to show love??????As I think about it, he generally does express appreciation for "acts of service" that I do..
it's sometimes true that someone does act out their LL -- so if h is doing AOS, it may well be his LL too...BUT...people that do a lot of AOS may also be "WOA" type people...so you can try a little of this or that...say "thanks" but maybe also try one or two AOS for him?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
