Quote: How do you think your actions might change if instead of viewing h as a "bottomless pit for affirmation" you viewed him as someone for whom WOAs were of primary importance and critical to feeling loved?
I am always amazed at your talent for rephrasing! But this is a very important question in my sitch, I believe, so I'm going to spend some time thinking on it here.
How would i respond if I recognized that this was perhaps his primary LL and critical to him feeling loved? when you put it that way, the answer is easy and clear, I would look for EVERY opportunity to express admiration and appreciation...this would include: --tuning into every little thing he does for me, no matter how small, no matter how much it seems like he "should" do them, and expressing gratitude and appreciation for them... --making a point of mentioning things about him that I find appealing as often as possible...several time each day..."filling his cup" so to speak... --I would not hesitate to make overt gestures of admiration/appreciation...like sending little cards, thank-you notes, etc., --I would even occassionally "set things up" to have him so some little thing so I could thank him...I did a little bit of that this weekend, and didnt get a negative result. I'll post a little later about that. I am going to make this a concerted effort, and see what the results are...what is an appropriate amount of time that I might commit to this? REALLY go all out for say, 6 weeks and then reassess, but watching to stop immediately if he responds negatively??????
One of my concerns is that in my "study" of mlc, pressure on my part is a big no-no. I'm not quite sure how to express admiration/appreciation without it coming across as pressuring...what makes it pressure and not affirming? that is not at all clear to me, and it's a big concern.
I'm thinking also here about AOS...acts of service...Am I correct in recalling from 5LL that we tend to speak to others in our own LL? if so, wouldnt his doing little things like warming the car for me be an act of service? and so to interpret that fact that he does that for me as it being something that speaks "love" to him would be on target, right? So then "acts of service" would be another way to show love??????As I think about it, he generally does express appreciation for "acts of service" that I do..
