Hi Dawn, thanks for checking on me, yeah, I'm ok at least mostly... I don't have much time (havent had) to post today...updating from events yesterday, however (this is pretty much my post on MLC) I won't be on line much today, but thought I'd post a little. S12 went to lift weights of his own accord with his dad last night while I was at work, and they both seemed happy and excited about it. I am hoping this is good in all ways?????
I didnt get home from work until 10 pm last night because I had a tough customer in class...literally the police showed up and took him out of class, then sent him back...My instincts (besides the police) told me he was really "on the edge"...anyway, it took 45 minutes after class to get him out the door, and I decided to take the time needed because I believed he had a gun in his left coat pocket (couldnt figure out why the police didnt pat him down when they took him out, then I realized he'd left his coat on his chair when they called him out....he knew exactly what he was doing) Anyway, when I got home, H was doing laundry (which he always does on Friday, so Thursday is a new behavior???) and H wanted to know if I'd had trouble, said he'd been worried and tried to call...I told him yes I had, that I'd been wishing he was there because I needed a white knight, and told him the story...he said he wished he had been there to help (me to, he really is so good at handling this kind of thing, he's talked jumpers off of bridges before, literally) Anyway, I said I could really use a hug, and he said "sure" and gave me a nice one. he did snuggle a little in bed, I thought more than the rest of the week.
S12 told me this morning that his dad paced the floor and kept looking out the windows when I was late getting home from work, and said several times "I hope your mom's ok) and then "I hope Deb (not thinking of me as mom?) gets home soon. So I guess at some level at least he is concerned. S didnt know if he called ow or not.
This morning, he asked what time I thought I'd be home (remember ow has vacation today and H is off), I told him around 10, he said he was going to go in and get gas and pick up a movie for the weekend, and "if I'm not here when you get here, don't freak, I promise I'll be here by 10:30 and we'll have some snuggle time, how's that?"....so, I don't know if that's good or not? I guess the only consolation is if he's going to OW, they won't have over 2 hours or so together...still hard to swallow. However, it seems like an effort to reassure me on his part. I've not said a word about OW all week, or about knowing she's off today, so that gets us a week down the road past the awful incidents over the holidays.
When he was doing laundry last night, I commented that "oh, you got inspired to do laundry on Thursday, what caused that?" lightly...h commented he was tired of fooling with it on Fridays (another way to get time off w/ow?) and I managed to resist the urge to "go there" and instead turned it around positively (I think) and said "thats such an icky chore, I sure appreciate you doing it" H replied "I've done a lot of icky chores around here for years, like the outside animals" and I validated (again, I think) by saying "I know you have, and I appreciate it so much"... This & Snodderly's suggestion yesterday about words of affirmation & the S. Conway book got me to thinking, praising & recognizing the good stuff he does maybe what I need to focus on at the moment. He's back in the "you're just making it up" mode when I tell him how handsome/good looking he is (his comment over vacation was "you didnt think so and never paid any attention to me for years, so it has to be a lie now") but he has NEVER responded negatively to thanks and recognition of his efforts....oh wow, I think the light bulb just went off....that is a big part of his dissatisfaction at work and with extended family....so that has to be a key. I've not been sending him any card or letters lately, I'm thinking I may write a thank you note expressing my appreciation for things he does...I did that several months ago and got a thank you for the thank you...
OH...something else just hit me...before I left for work this morning, he came upstairs to tell me "I warmed your car up"...I told him "thank you so much for doing that, I really appreciate it"...the poor guy really is a bottomless pit for affirmation, and I've not seen how bottomless until now. I mean, he wouldn't have come into the house and all the way upstairs if he hadnt wanted the acknowledge ment, right? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
What's Next, if you happen to see this, you mentioned on one of your threads that ow in your sitch was in trouble w/HR at your company for her actions w/your H...if it's not too painful, could you tell me a little about this? From what H has said ow is on a corrective action plan, and I saw her supervisor watching her like a hawk yesterday....
I was also thinking about the Christmas Red Coat buying incident...I'm almost positive that was 3 years ago....don't know where that means H is in the mlc, obviously there's still replay stuff going on....
This has already been a long long haul. I was also thinking this morning for the thousandth time that 2 days before I found out about the PA for sure, H sat down at the table and talked with me when I got home for the first time in ages...I remember so distinctly thinking "oh wow, he's back finally"...little did I know all hell was going to break lose in 48 hours...this was in October 03... But from time to time I think about this, and wonder if he wasnt still trying to make some connection w/me even in the hottest throes of the PA. Perhaps trying to tell me about it, or trying to decide which way to go is more like it, I don't know.
