I'm not going to tell you what to do - if / when you reach then end of your rope you'll make a choice. In the meantime:
Quote: I don't know for sure what to think, H is really truly weird, in many ways he seems happier with extended family than he has in a long long time, more contented, etc., he actually did lift a finger towards cleaning the basement, which is a big improvement for him...
He's temporarily of of stress because he can have his cake and eat it too - his MLC isnt changing and "as if" doesnt seem to have much of an effect except to say "sure do what you want" - he isnt processing it further to the next step which is "and she'll do what she wants too" i.e. the wife is letting go so she wont be your "backup" girl
Quote: It hadnt occured to me that maybe his "put-downs" are intended as sabotage...could be, that makes a lot of sense now that you mention it. And certainly they are a pretty obvious effort at justification for him.
yea he's pushing buttons and laying blame to take your self control away - and it's working
Quote: and H would start ranting and raving that he wasnt going to live like this either, with me not trusting him and throwing it up to him over and over again.
and he's done what to earn your trust? continue to lie and manipulate? Trust is earned, not given. The more he protests, the guiltier he must feel.
Quote: I asked why he does this stuff, and risks our m/reconciliation/all our progress if it is what he wants--if he loves me and wants our M, WHY does he do this and risk it all?
mlc mlc mcl - he wants both and cant have it.
sounds like things are coming to a head. be strong, no matter what happens. dont lose your cool. that plays into his tantrums.
Bill.
"you are who you chose to be" - Iron Giant
Link To CURRENT Sitch
