Hi Dawn, thanks for reading my novel...I think it would make a great Hollywood script, don't you?
I know, I need to maintain my composure...it seems to scare the bejeebers (sp?) out of him when I can look him in the eye and calmly say something... Frankly, I was so mad this last week, I was staying calm to have managed to avoid strangling him!
I did actually think about putting all his stuff in the big box and pitching it out and changing the locks. I really did. my next thought was he has so darn much stuff it would take forever!
I don't know for sure what to think, H is really truly weird, in many ways he seems happier with extended family than he has in a long long time, more contented, etc., he actually did lift a finger towards cleaning the basement, which is a big improvement for him...
at one point in our discussions, he did admit that he is still watching me to see if I'm for real...and you know, I have to admit I resent that. I don't think I was ever a real dog to begin with, in any way shape or form... It hadnt occured to me that maybe his "put-downs" are intended as sabotage...could be, that makes a lot of sense now that you mention it. And certainly they are a pretty obvious effort at justification for him.
At one point I was raking him over the coals about lying to me in such a huge way and taking off w/ow, and why he did it, and he said "well how would you have reacted if I'd told you she needed me to help her out?"....so that was his justification for that...I told him I would have rejected it as an excuse, and been angry because I would see it for what it is...an excuse for them to keep connected...H said "she's been having car trouble"....I was not real sympathetic, said "so tell her to get the damn car fixed, what are you going to do anyway, push it down the highway?" Of course, we have AAA, so he could have gotten help for her with his card. I don't know, I'm just so sick of it all.
I guess the unconditional love sure took a holiday though. I was FURIOUS............funny, I havent heard yet how much my anger scared him (that's the excuse I got a year ago). Maybe that's tonights chapter.
I don't know, I had thought we were making progress, actually thought we were on the road to making things really good back on labor day weekend when he told me they'd broken up for good.
I did glimpse in the mirror in passing this weekend however, and the thought that hit me was "gosh, you're pretty"...how's that for vanity? the thought caught me be surprise though.
