Hi all, getting back here after the time off, and frankly I'm going to need some help picking through the debris and devising a plan for how to proceed from here.
I was so anxious and panicky on Wednesday the 22nd....couldnt put my finger on it, but "knew" "something was up"...well, it was....damn it. Remember I got no emails from H all day, he'd been REALLY Weirdly crabby in the morning, and then really nice that evening? yeah, well....
Thursday the 23rd, I took off of work 2 hours early...as I was leaving, checked the "public" leave calendar in the main office to make sure leave was recorded correctly for my supervisees, and lo and behold, the day before, H took "sick leave"! what a huge elaborate plan...he drove to the office, parked his vehicle where I'd see it,then left...he had mentioned he'd be driving to out of town office that day, and on and on and on....the SOB....I get mad all over again just thinking about it....I was so PO'd I was shaking.
When H came in the door thursday night I jumped him, frankly dbing went out the window. I was so furious I pitched a fit that literally rattled the windows. H of course got mad at me for snooping and said he was going to file a formal complaint at work about it....(what ever, this was on the public calendar and there had been questions about leave for people I supervise...which is exactly what I told him, including the "whatever" part)...I was so furious he really is lucky I didnt do him bodily harm. Or ow...
I called her every name in the book, including a disease infested w---e, and called her that more than once. Told H again he needed to go to her if that's where he wanted to be, but if he went to stay there. He wiffled and waffled and tried to lie that he'd told the secretary in the out of town office to say he was sick if anyone called because he was so far behind. I called him on that....bull s--t....and he finally owned up, that yes he had been off for the day with ow, said and sticks to the story that he went with her to take her d to meet her xh....a 4 hour drive each way....that he did it because she has been having car trouble and he told her he'd help until she found someone else....there was nothing romantice involved (yeah, right).....
I was so PO'd I told him he was a damn fool if he believes she isnt still after him, I know better, that a woman doesnt con a guy into spending a day with her for any reason if she isn't interested in him....If he couldnt see her manipulations there wasnt much I could do to help him....I was really nasty then and started to quote lines from her stupid love letters........asked him if he didnt know you can buy that stuff on the internet...should have seen the look of disbelief and then shock on his face at that one, obviously it never occured to the dim-wit....
Words cant describe how furious I was....I told him many times he needed to go to her if that's where he wanted to be...of course he wiffled and he waffled and shuffled and threw blame at me....same song, second verse. I told him I had had enough of the crap, I was leaving....I got a big box and started to pull my clothes out of drawers...threw clothes in a suitcase and told him I'd be back tomorrow for the rest of my stuff or he could get his out by then... H was by then bawling that "this is not what I want, I'm begging you not to do this, please don't do this" ....I told him I was past worrying about what he wanted because I've had enough....got in the van to leave, and poor grief stricken son gets in screaming and crying, begging me not to do this, that he can't live without me....that got to me...I went back into the house.
H started in on how this was my fault, blah blah blah blah....I said "I've had enough of this", walked out the door and left, with poor S standing outside the door crying..... I had no plan what to do, just that at the least I needed to be away for awhile, I felt S was safe with his dad...I drove around for about 4 hours, then I did go home...because I have this haunting memory of my own grandmother, who was probably the most precious person on earth to me, doing exactly the same thing when I was about S's age (all these years later I found out because of my granddad's A) and I recall how traumatized I was....
When I got back it was late, but S and H were still up...H weirdly went to the table and set down to write out a check for a bill, said something to me about it was going to be late....I just ignored him, walked by him and went up to bed....
This was Dec. 23...the next morning, S told me that H had bawled the entire time I was gone, and said "I made a big mistake and I'm going to fix it"...S said H bawled and sobbed, not just a few tears.
And that was day 1 of my christmas vacation.
More of the stomach turning soap opera to come....
When I was driving around, I kept thinking "don't go home"...but I couldnt do that to my S. I won't traumatize him that way....
