I'd not stand there while he is berating you - I'd let him know that you don't appreciate his calling you names and walk away. You don't deserve that! Stand up for yourself - you don't want names like that sticking in his mind.
If he is irritable and nasty, walk away. Again, you do deserve better. There is a difference between having a constructive argument and having someone belittle you.
20 inches of the white stuff here! I ended up shoveling everything 2 1/2 times. (I say half because half-way through my last shoveling, at 11pm, h decided to get up and finish it!) He was out of town all day so I can't get too mad. He had the worst time of it this morning because ice had formed on top of all the new snow. I can't complain though, I am one of those strange people who likes the snow and doesn't mind the shoveling! We are expecting below zero temps and I could do without that.
I do really love your idea of relaxing in a hotel! I know how scary it will be for you to walk out that door. But believe me it will be okay. You have to think of it as an adventure. Order yourself an in-room movie and a pizza. Bring a book and a scented candle....and relax!
And I am sorry if I sounded smart ass about the not coming down stairs. I DO see that it is a big thing for you. I am just suggesting that you have to fight fire with fire sometimes. His MLC life style is a BON FIRE....you can not counter-act that with a match stick! LOL Sometimes your "statements" have to be as bold as his.
Okay, got to run. We are supposed to go to a party tonight. I hope we don't get stuck in town. If I don't talk to you again before Christmas, I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday!
Take care Deb and, for goodness sake, hang in there!
Hi Pam... I think the book may give me some help, havent gotten very far yet,but so far it talks about that it does take 5 years (ick) to get through, and I found it interesting that they quote some research that indicates that "oldest" often have the worst time/strongest symptoms, which i think makes sense, gien that they grow up in the leader/caregive role; makes sense then that their rebellion would be stronger.
It's even colder here today, I heard on the radio the wind chill is 7 below. I just know I don't like it!
Hi dfb! I guess I should clarify...I did/do walk away with out saying anything when he starts his sniping. I'm not about to stand there and quietly "take it"....Yesterday, I gave him "the look" and just walked off and didnt say anything to him until he responded in a more appropriate manner, which took about 30 minutes. There was a time when I would have been in his face big time and chewing his hiney for speaking to me like that. I now realize that just antagonizes him and seems to give him some weird sense of justification that he's entitled to then be in a snit for long periods of time. Just looking at him without a word goes a LOT further in producing positive results. I'm thinking that it turns it back on him and makes him think about what he's doing. He himself told me as much about the "drop the rope" policy way back last spring... I've not found your thread, merry christmas to you and your new H if I don't catch up with you again here soon!
Hi Dawn! I hope you and your H have a great Christmas if I don't catch up with you....have a great time at your party too! thanks so much for all your support and insight...
I thought I'd post a little about yesterday evening before I forget. After all my panic during the day and H's gritchyness in the morning, it turned out to be a pretty good evening. It is possible ow was in the office and H as well, I never pursued checking it out for sure, I couldnt see I'd have gained much...I rushed home from work to pick up S for supper...only one problem, S was busy with his new lizard (early xmas present) and didnt want to go....so, I told him I was going back in, and his dad would be home probably in an hour, would he be ok alone, standard Mom stuff....and as we are talking, in walks H...a little earlier than ususual even...said he decided not to go shopping because it was so cold...said he was freezing, and he'd go another time---he initiated nice hugs and kisses, I told him I missed "talking" to him...he said he was sorry, he'd been really busy...talked about the co-worker's hair having so much static electricity it was "sparking"....he could have been w/ow, could have not been, I don't know, but he was genuinely warm and loving...
I told him I had plans to be gone awhile and left...I was gone about 2 hours, did some more Xmas shopping...brought home hamburgers for H and S. When I got home, H was outside doing chores. S and I stood in the kitchen talking and H didnt' know I was there...he called from the laundry room asking S how long I'd said I'd be gone, S answered she's here, H came in and looked and said "oh, I couldnt figure out what was going on" ??Don't know what he meant by that.
Then H made a nice fire in the fireplace (without being asked) and sat beside me on the couch (without being asked) and put his arm around me as we watched tv...At bedtime, H caught me off guard by intiating ML...I really didnt expect it.... Afterwards, I commented on being surprised, and H said "see, no pressure really works, when you push you slow down the process"....That struck me as eery, almost like he's been reading the bb....I don't think he has though... I just laughed it off and said "there are times when I have to grab you"....but obviously, he's plainly telling me what works.....
This morning before work he was cheerful, and sent me one very short email early just saying he'd gotten to the office and to have a nice day.
So we'll see, we have a week off together...hopefully it will go well...
I cant help but wonder if he is responding already to my baby-step GAL efforts. I think that must be what is happening. ALL I've done differently is back off and away a little bit at a time. That and carefully avoid fueling his temper tantrums.
If this pattern continues, I will gracefully eat crow as you all say "WE TOLD YOU SO"
Merry Christmas to those of you I don't catch up with!
So more of what is working!!!! 
