Last night when I got home, S said that he thought his dad had called ow because he came up from the basement looking "really mad" although S heard no raised voice/cursing as he often does....sigh, enough alread, I just wish is could really be over.

H is planning to be gone xmas shopping for a good part of the day, so we won't get to have lunch together, which I look forward to...I asked about his schedule and he was a little reactive to it, asked "why",
Later he inititaed ml, which surprised me, but then he commented that he thought he'd better, was trying to be loving since he would be gone today. I am not interested in "guilt sex", and I didnt say anything other than to tell him it's not all about sex....but that really bugged me and today I feel kind of down about it. This morning I told him I wanted him to be with me because he wanted to, not out of guilt...he said he did want to, although sometimes it felt like checking in with the parole officer ....I put my hands on his face, looked him in the eye, and said "I want you to be HERE (meaning living home with me) ONLY if it's because you chose that is where you want to be, and not because of guilt" H actually looked me right back in the eye and said "I am here because I chose and want to be" with emphasis....
I don't know, I feel kind of down for some reason right now...not sure why....

I see that I really don't want him to be pining and longing to be with ow but staying with me out of guilt...
I dont' know, i've been doing pretty well the lat week or so but am just too tired to deal with this right now.

been around awhile!