i've not had a minute to post today, but thought I'd jump on now to report on last night....It was truly weird. I never know what to make of H....

I made careful plans to be gone from home when H got there, and to keep my hair appointment tomorrow a secret...I swear, something in the cosmos must have been at work or else when I asked God to take over the mess he did, because nothing went as I planned it.

I rushed when I got off work to get away before H got home, but EVERYTHING was against me, S12 drug his feet, traffic was slow, anyway, I was just getting ready to run out the door when H comes in...he was 5 minutes early. He seemed friendly enough, I had left him a note that said I had things to take care of and would see him later, he picked it up, read it, and said "oh", then he wanted to know if I would be home before S got out of the party....(yes, the ow alert went off big time) but I grabbed the opportunity to db and said "perkily" (i really hate that word, but anyway) "no, I really had planned to do somethings, besides you have plans"....I thought h actually seemed kind of surprised, then the devil got the best of me and I said "although I could make arrangements to be around for some naughtiness"....H just sighed and said "I'm tired, but maybe we could sit on the couch and watch tv a little when you get home"...I told him that would be fun, he commented he'd have to give up his favorite chair to sit on the couch but he'd do it... so I told him "OK, catch you later" and left. S and I got home about 3 hours later, and H was in his chair watching tv when we came in. I sat down on the couch, and H got up on his own and got me a soda and came and sat beside me.

When we went to bed, H grabbed me...after weeks of nothing...and initiated ML....and we actually spent a couple of hours. I have no clue what brought this on....he's had practically no interest at all for the last 2 weeks, and not been able to perform anyway....WTF?

This morning, I told him I had fun last night, and asked him what got him so inspired...he said he didnt know, sometimes he isnt in the mood, sometimes he is, and sometimes he REALLY is...I laughed and told him he'd REALLY be in trouble if he gave me an answer to that question, and he said he knew that....he mentioned "see what happens when there's no pressure" , and said "we'll have to do that again soon"....
Of course, the huge question in my mind is, is this a coincidence, or is it a result of my distancing????????
weirdly, after being a terrible grump for the last 3/4 days, and really gritchy for 2 weeks before that, he's in a good mood today, although complaining about his work load.

Of course, I still have the gnawing fear in the back of my mind that he's cheerful because things are better w/ow....he was complaining about how hard the nursing staff gets worked here this morning....but I don't know if his sudden renewed interest in sex and would be related to that or not...

Anybody have any guess as to what this could all mean? Is it possible that I could be so lucky that backing off more worked right away???????????????

H stopped by my office for a minute before he left this evening, and interestingly, I found myself sitting on the edge of my desk and talking with him rather than hugging him, etc., so maybe it will be easier to stay backed off than it seemed.

Oh yeah, I mentioned the cosmos being against my plans to make him wonder what I was up to...when I got home, he mentioned there was a message on the answering machine to remind me of my hair appointment tomorrow....now is that ironic or what???? talk about the best laid plans going astray...
I'm going to have it colored and highlighted, and I havent told H that though....maybe I'll ask if they can do something dramatic but sophisticated....is there such a combination???? I could go blonde, but since ow's already done that, I think not....

I must be having my own mlc, because I've been thinking maybe I'll get one of those temporary tatoos and put in on my rear and see if H notices.

I have to say I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm finding myself again....to bad I got so lost for so long...hopefully I can find the "real me" and still keep my improvements!

been around awhile!