I know that you are correct in one sense. If all were perfect then the sexual arena would flow well like the rest of the M. On the other hand my H would tell you that we have a very happy M and that he feels very passionate toward me. The problem is that we don't necessarily see eye to eye on what constitutes those two things.
I don't believe that H holds out on sex as a passive-agressive punishment or anything fancy like that. I think he does squelch natural desire in favor of other things and has little experience with intimate relationships (I am the first woman he ever lived with, the first whom he has been with for more than a few months, the third he actually had sex with). He also lets too many things get in the way and doesn't appreciate how important this aspect of the R is to me (since it isn't to him). These are coupled with the fact that I am not perfect (hard to imagine, I know) and don't always speak his LL, sometimes emotionally withdraw for my own reasons and have my own shortcomings and fears. These are the reasons we have a SSM. I have come to the conclusion that I need to renegotiate and work on this aspect of the R. That doesn't mean that we the areas in which we do well are an illusion.
