GEL is right; the rules are different in abusive situations. Persistence is the key to change, but if someone is unstable as to be violent/suicidal/out of control, all bets are off. You must do whatever it takes to protect yourself and your children.
I know you are angry for allowing yourself to be treated this way for so long. Part of that anger is healthy in that it mobilizes you to feel like a separate person and declare" this is me now." It helps to define the personal boundaries that have been missing. But staying in the anger, as you know, is not good for your health; detach and do good things for you.
Please take care...again, if abuse is in the picture, then separation may be necessary.
