Re: {{MIL catered to her, making her meatballs or hotdogs every day, every meal..}}
FF, I had a 17 yr old boy in the grouphome that called his grandparents about 3 times a week to bring him a "Happy Diner" hamburger because no one in the grouphome cooked things like his grandmother did. Good to hear you put a stop to your MIL's hotdogs and meatballs. MIL catered to H like she started to catered to your D. Now H wants you to catered to him too.
RE: H is getting up, and wants food) and around midnight, while we are watching TV (sometimes because he won't eat what I've made, often just because 'it's fun'}}
FF, what do you mean "It's fun?" It's fun to turn down your cooking? It's fun to see you do extra work at midnight? It's fun to watch you jump through H's hoops? Is it fun to eat snacks and junk food instead of a regular meal?
BTW, Edith Bunker, get me another beer will ya? Do your remember Edith Bunker from the 70's TV show "All in the Family"?
I have experienced the go get me thing myself. Also experienced the "this is not cooked the way I like it" comments from W several times. Last time I heard it from W, the plate I prepared for her went back into the pot and was put in the frig.
FF, I have a tip to pass on I got from the NOP's, Its called TV / frozen dinners. Tell H to buy his own. That way he can't blame you for getting the wrong kind. You said he spends most of the money in the family. Kill two birds with one euro. H buys food he likes, If he buys it, he is more likely to cook it, less money spent on other junk.
Are you Holding On to Yourself better? Are you blaming yourself less? What helps me in my situation is to pretend my spouse is a good friend, we are not M, and I silently ask myself if good friends act this way? It reduces some of the notions that come with my internal thought process and emotions of "how could my spouse think that way" when I feel wronged.
Sometimes I even tell myself my spouse is not married to me, she is an individual who's name is X, a friend, and we live together. Seems to help remove some of the expetations spouses have of each other. Just something I use to not take everything so seriously, reduce hurt feelings, and get to a point where we can talk about things where no one is right or wrong. I know, it sounds like we are room mates. Sometimes that is the way things are for a while.
It sounds like you are doing most things correctly, so if my advice helps, good. If it does not apply, then pass it by. Just trying to be helpful and a cyber support friend.
