I make dinner around noon, just before I leave for work. I only get to eat with the family on weekends (and Fri.), since I work in the evenings, so ALL our meals are just that - reheatable stuff that everyone will eat. I have never gone out of my way to make seperate meals for everyone. At one point, MIL started giving the kids what they wanted if they wouldn't eat what they made, I put my foot down real fast!! Only finickey eater (outside of H) is D7 - and I suspect that's 'cause we were living with inlaws for 3 mos when she was about 2, and MIL catered to her, making her meatballs or hotdogs every day, every meal...
What I'm refering to with H is that he expects me to get up and make him breakfast and lunch before he goes to work (I get up at 6.30 after about 5 hrs sleep to get the girls ready for school - something I do very willingly, since I get to see them so little during the week, while H sleeps in, then when I sneak back to catch a nap before the boys wake up, H is getting up, and wants food) and around midnight, while we are watching TV (sometimes because he won't eat what I've made, often just because 'it's fun')
So I'm not talking about not including H in regular mealtimes. I make food that everyone eats together, and of course I hope that he joins us when we all eat (all too often he doesn't make it home in time to join the kids, so they end up eating by themselves )
When we moved here, and decided I would keep my job, I understood that it meant that H would be home in the evening with the kids, and not take advantage of his parents the way he seems to. Since he doesn't 'have' to pick the kids up from daycare, or pay a babysitter, he feels it's ok to come home when he feels like it (doing work, or going shopping. H is the money spender in our family).
For a long time, I went along with the food and tv thing, 'cause I thought he was feeling abandoned by me, that maybe I was devoting too much time to the kids, and this was his way of asking for more of me, but it's one sided, he ONLY wants food and TV, not time, but he wants me to be there. Used to be he would be miserable for days if I went to bed early. TV watching means watching, no talking aloud, lights out. I started using the time to fold laundry
