Yes, I'm dealing with a lot - and a lot of it has to do with me, and how I'm handling things. Like I said to my C tonight, I would feel like a failure if we do D, because I will feel like there must have been something I could have done somewhere down the line...I'm trying to deal with these feelings as much as with H's, um, whatever.
What I was mad at was the fact that I had made a decision not to make food for H if it 'put me out', meaning after the 'resteraunt' was closed, or if it meant losing that all important extra half hour or so of sleep in the morning. I hadn't explained why I wasn't doing it, just when he asked, I said no, I don't feel like it (and I sometimes have to say this two or three times) I was mad that morning that I did it, even though I didn't want to. I know, this isn't easy. I'm stretched to my limit right now without any of this extra cr*p, and getting annoyed with in-laws when they come to watch the kids, etc, and I was trying to listen to my anger and figure out exactly where it came from.
You know, C sometimes apologizes to me (!) in that he's not sure how much help he is, he sees me as strong, and isn't really able to give too much advice about H without knowing him better, but I realized tonight what it was that has helped the most - and it was just what you mentioned, about him reaffirming to me about it being perfectly normal for me to be upset, or to make mistakes, as he said - hey, you're the one trying to do something about it - not to mention all the 'extra' intelligent convos that remind me that I am an intellegent, creative, thinking being. I suppose it is true that I've spent so many years listening to how inept I am, I've started to believe it, in spite of what most of my friends would say (I bet you can imagine how many times I've thought to myself - 'if they only knew what I was 'really' like...'
