Yeah, I guess I'm struggling with my integrity here. I had made up my mind a while back that I would not make food for H outside of reg. meal times, just 'cause I do end up feeling like a short order cook - not to mention maid (without the costume ) especially when he lies in bed all morning, then comes expecting something to eat, or when we sit down to watch tv at midnight, and he wants me to make something for him.

This has become an ingrained habit over the years, one that I've resented for a long time, but done to keep the peace, so I do think it's about time that I put my foot down on it. (and it sounds really silly as I'm typing this out )


But H is very good at pushing my buttons, and gives me the whole puppy dog 'I don't feel loved' cr*p, and I find myself in a p/a sitch again, and mad at myself. I know I'm entitled to that anger, but it is my own damn fault for going against my integrity (and at the same time, feels ridiculous for making such a big deal over making lunch).

I guess what really gets me is that H can use these tactics succesfully, but doesn't seem to give a damn about my own feelings. I guess there are still feelings there, towards him, and I'm having a hard time accepting that his level of self-absorbance could be so high.

Lillie, I couldn't go so far as to put my foot down on laundry, just 'cause with 4 kids, and a funky drier (and European washers that take an hr on the 'fast' cycle...) if H started doing his own laundry seperately, I'd never get anything done - especially since he would do it 'correctly' thoroughly, meaning tying up the machines forever. So the food may be a little bite, but it is one he will notice.