Yes, I am a bit of a pushover, aren't I But the truth is, like a lot of you, I'm quite fused with the bunch of you, and can't stay away from my daily dose, so when I have the time, I will fill you in, or just say hi.
Yeah. H has been moping around the house all week. Probably because I'm finally realizing, as I said, just how weak my boundaries are/were, and closing down shop.
Last night, H finally complained outloud that there seem to be all kinds of plans being made around him without his knowledge. Yes, I arranged girls b'day party without any imput from him (since all he usually does is ask when I'm going to call everyone, and bug me constantly about if I have everything done), and I made plans for D9 to spend the weekend with a good friend of mine (who also has a history of working with troubled kids) to give D9 a break, and maybe give her a chance to talk with a neutral adult.
Nope, hadn't gotten around to telling H about that one either, since I discovered his interest level in the matter a few days ago.
He's also been left to fend for himself most mornings, so I can catch an extra half hr of sleep.
He complained that he's felt horrible, and it hasn't been fun to come home. I told him that he's made it very clear to me with his actions that he's not interested in our R, which is the backbone of this family, and he also demonstrated his interest level in his D's problems the other day, so I took it apon myself to do something. I didn't feel the need to fill him in, since he doesn't seem to be interested.
I told him that if he wanted to discuss things, we could do it in the presence of a neutral third party, as I didn't feel able to speak to him alone any longer.
He said it was stupid to talk about such problems in the presence of a stranger. I pointed out that he was unwilling to talk about them with someone he has supposedly had an intimate R with for the past 16 yrs, so what are we supposed to do?
He tried to keep shutting me down at 'I don't want to talk with you', and twisting my words, I pointed out that it had nothing to do with me not wanting to work on things, but that things had gotten out of my control.
This morning, when I snuck into bed after getting the girls off to school, he tried to snuggle up with me. Finally he even asked if I would just hold him for a minute, that he felt scared. I said no. He continued to wiggle, make little wimpers...I said that snuggling was not going to change things, and I really didn't feel like it. I said it felt like it would be putting a bandaid on a bleeding limb, and not really solving anything.
He said 'you don't understand'. I said 'You're right, I don't, would you please explain?' H was silent.
