FF, I too check the BB around 1AM (Mountain standard time same as Denver CO time) to see if you post. I get a little concerned when you go for a long time with out posting. If you post just a Hi, at least I know you have not given up and quit on life.
All of your cyber friends are here for you through your troubled times.
OG Lou. At the 46th parallel, not quite the artic circle.
We're glad to hear from you WHENEVER you choose to post or get around to posting. You don't have to add us to the list of people you must please by doing certain things! To quote Mister Rogers: we like you just the way you are.
If you feel like posting, and you're not too tired or whatever, or need to vent, or want feedback-- we like to hear how you're doing. But if you DON'T post, we still care about you and think of you, and you're not letting us down. Scratch this off your "must do" list, okay? Goodness knows, that list is long enough as it is.
Yes, I am a bit of a pushover, aren't I But the truth is, like a lot of you, I'm quite fused with the bunch of you, and can't stay away from my daily dose, so when I have the time, I will fill you in, or just say hi.
Yeah. H has been moping around the house all week. Probably because I'm finally realizing, as I said, just how weak my boundaries are/were, and closing down shop.
Last night, H finally complained outloud that there seem to be all kinds of plans being made around him without his knowledge. Yes, I arranged girls b'day party without any imput from him (since all he usually does is ask when I'm going to call everyone, and bug me constantly about if I have everything done), and I made plans for D9 to spend the weekend with a good friend of mine (who also has a history of working with troubled kids) to give D9 a break, and maybe give her a chance to talk with a neutral adult.
Nope, hadn't gotten around to telling H about that one either, since I discovered his interest level in the matter a few days ago.
He's also been left to fend for himself most mornings, so I can catch an extra half hr of sleep.
He complained that he's felt horrible, and it hasn't been fun to come home. I told him that he's made it very clear to me with his actions that he's not interested in our R, which is the backbone of this family, and he also demonstrated his interest level in his D's problems the other day, so I took it apon myself to do something. I didn't feel the need to fill him in, since he doesn't seem to be interested.
I told him that if he wanted to discuss things, we could do it in the presence of a neutral third party, as I didn't feel able to speak to him alone any longer.
He said it was stupid to talk about such problems in the presence of a stranger. I pointed out that he was unwilling to talk about them with someone he has supposedly had an intimate R with for the past 16 yrs, so what are we supposed to do?
He tried to keep shutting me down at 'I don't want to talk with you', and twisting my words, I pointed out that it had nothing to do with me not wanting to work on things, but that things had gotten out of my control.
This morning, when I snuck into bed after getting the girls off to school, he tried to snuggle up with me. Finally he even asked if I would just hold him for a minute, that he felt scared. I said no. He continued to wiggle, make little wimpers...I said that snuggling was not going to change things, and I really didn't feel like it. I said it felt like it would be putting a bandaid on a bleeding limb, and not really solving anything.
He said 'you don't understand'. I said 'You're right, I don't, would you please explain?' H was silent.
FF... So Mr. Bully admitted to feeling scared? That's huge! He is going to try to restore the equilibrium by putting you down in some way...so stay strong.
We are having miserable weather here in NY...anyone out there who can send FF and me some warmth and sunshine?
Quote: He continued to wiggle, make little wimpers.
There is only one word for this: pitiful. But, one word does NOT describe it: pitiable. Stay on course, FF. He'll either come around (somewhat doubtful), or not, but you are growing every day!
Quote: FF... So Mr. Bully admitted to feeling scared? That's huge! He is going to try to restore the equilibrium by putting you down in some way...so stay strong.
Not so big, he does that quite often, when he feels I'm showing my muscles. A lot of his 'bullying' is done by him walking around feeling sorry for himself, he's depressed, sick, etc etc, so everyone else has to take care of him. Sort of, how could you treat me that way, it makes me feel so bad. But yes, I do expect him to restore the equilibrium somehow.
Hang in there. My ex-H always enjoyed being the "identified patient" - he was always "ill" whether it was something physical or mental. In the final analysis he feels that I dumped him during a "crisis" and am therefore a witch. The crisis was merely a culmination of YEARS of the other stuff. The funny part is that now he has undertaken a whole bunch of therapy and determined that is was "all his parents fault" and has pretty much absolved me of guilt for my participation in the whole sorry thing. Anyway, I well understand how agressive depression and moping can be. Do something nice for yourself.
