Thanks Sage, great advice! Especially the timing stuff. I have been working on that. Being more aware of when he is not going to be receptive. He has made comments in the past about when not to start a talk, like when he is at work or on the phone. He wants to talk in person. I cannot tell him I want to talk about something in a few days cuz he will immediately want to talk now and get it over with.
Being direct and concise is hard for me still. He finally gets out of me what I really want and says, "why didn't you just say that"? Geez, cuz I just don't know how--I realize I don't trust his response. Something might come out that I will take personal when I shouldn't.
I realize now that there have been a lot things I assumed and obsessed about that he hadn't ever thought about. I've just always believed that any change in his behaviour was something to do with me. This is a really tough thing to let go of but I work on it every day.
I haven't seen him for four days but we have talked on he phone. He started drinking again about a year ago after 10 years of sobriety. At first I was mad that he thought he didn't have a problem with alcohol anymore, but more and more I leave it up to him to figure it out. I never discuss it with him. This weekend he spent a night drinking until 6 a.m. He told me the next day he was getting all the alcohol out of his house and he was quitting. I told him I was proud of him for doing that. I hope he really means it and it just isn't the hangover talking! But, it is up to him and I won't say anything about it ever. I know he appreciates that.
I hope we can get to the point where we "light" each other up when we are down. That is a great story you have about your crummy day at work. Thanks for taking time out to help me, I sure appreciate it.
