It's been a really tough week for me at work so not much time to post...I've got a big project due on Monday and school is looming too so I'm back to feeling mildly overloaded. What's that you say? Oh, yes, 12 weeks 'til school is over! Yahoo!

I've been beating myself up a bit too because I feel like I've been mildly backsliding a bit on my post-bomb-behaviors -- nothing super bad but more like I've been talking more than listening (just a bit), querying h a bit too much instead of giving him space...the house is messy, I've been feeling more distracted, I've been too "me-centric" I think.

Now, all of this is just a "feeling" - like I can see myself when I'm having a conversation with him and I want to smack myself on the head! I think I just need to SLOW down more, ya know?

All this is exacerbated by the fact that it seems like h might be having a rough time too...school is super busy...he didn't get the job he was really hoping for, etc. Add almost 3 feet of snow on top of it and I think you've got two people who are each pretty stressed in their own way.

Good thing is that I don't think it's really having a negative impact on us...maybe we're just a little more tired with each other...or maybe we're just a little more likely to misunderstand the other (wait, is it just me?? perhaps I'm the only one who's been overly sensitive!).

The other thing that's been sort of weighing on me is that I feel like I've been shying away from talking with h about some stuff..not bad stuff (no R talks! or crazymaking) but just feeling shy about asking him how he feels about things...so much of it is because of MY ASSumptions about how he'll react...and that's not fair to him and it creates this crappy dynamic.

Anyway -- just got interrupted so I've lost my train of thought...Despite all this musing and mild beating myself up and total stress for both of us, things are very good One big thing happened last night..h and I decided to look something up on the internet...I came around to look at his screen and he had his email up so I said "whoops! sorry! and walked away". He called me over, sat me down on his lap and said "I don't want you to feel that way..." then he gave me a big hug and said "I want to be open and honest with you always". Not bad, not bad at all!!!!



Sage

Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.