Looking backward...but only to move forward TWO

[sage]

Hi ladies -- Eyes, Zoo, Minnie -- thanks for the visits and the words of support. They mean a great deal to me.

Eyes, yes, I had seen on your thread that you have been struggling a bit inside, too. It's a good reminder to me to think of forgiveness as a process, not a point on a timeline. And yes, you are also right that I will get thru this without "doing" anything! A year ago that would have seen unfathomable...to feel sad or crappy and not overwhelm h with it or at least mention it?! Feeling does NOT = ACTION!

Zoo, ah! Ghosts in the attic! I like that a lot. It's weird how it hits and I'm like "wait, what am I bummed about? oh, yah, that." It does pass so much quicker now and doesn't require as much care and handling as it once did!

Minnie, . thanks for the support. I like that you're watching out for me!

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I had a fleeting thought a few minutes or so ago that I need to GET OVER MYSELF. Just kind of feeling like shaking it off.

Had an ok night last night -- still felt odd and h seemed odd but hey, oddness abounds. He's knee deep in schoolwork after just 3 days back so no doubt that could be adding to the stress. We cooked dinner together (we are doing GREAT with that resolution!) and he studied while I watched tv. At 9 we watched a taped NYPD Blue then went to bed. I had trouble falling asleep. But, I eventually did, slept well (the humidifier is making an enormous difference!), got up and went to the gym. It's been a good day today so far...I've got 2 more meetings then I'm meeting h in town for a drink/celebration for his awesome grades!

This AM was the first morning in a LONG time that he didn't call me before leaving for school. I emailed him and it turns out he had a horrendous train trip into school but, well, that still doesn't explain the no call. Maybe he's thinking I want some space? He must be confusing me with a Martian 'cause what I want is him to shower me with affection and reassurances. Oh, wait, I'm getting over myself, right! OK, what I want is for him to feel good about how school is going and feel good about knowing that his w. understands if he's stressed and a bit distant as a result. In fact, I think I'll lay down my ASSumptions (is he distant?) and expecations and just busy myself with fun stuff for a bit.

Sage