Looking backward...but only to move forward TWO

[sage]

Trish -- What a cool thing to say! And Ms. Pam, thanks, as always for your awesome support and sunshine!

Having a heck of a busy day today but wanted to post positives from yesterday. H made us dinner last night which is just a super cute wonderful thing to do! He also did a ton of cleaning up around the house which I thanked him for profusely!

We were going to go out for a movie but decided to rent one instead -- got "The Clearing" which was entertaining but ultimately sort of pointless there was also a pervasive infidelity theme to it which always makes it hard...but well, we watched and enjoyed anyway.

Had a really tough time sleeping last night (second night in a row) -- I think it's from some cough medicine I've been taking. h was really sweet when the alarm went off -- gave me a big hug and told me we should sleep an extra hour instead of going to the gym. Didn't have to twist my arm on that! Looks like we're heading to the gym tonight and then watching USC play football on TV.

I've only been back from vacation for two days and I'm already exhausted!

Sage

[sage]

Had a good night last night...we went to the gym since we didn't go in the AM -- definitely good to work out! Then we went out to Chili's right down the street for a beer and supper. I just had the second half of the veggie burger for lunch!

Went home and watched half of the USC game. I went to bed around 10pm. I haven't been sleeping well due to some cough medicine I've been taking but last night I didn't take it and slept like a rock. so much so that I didn't get up and go to the gym this AM (arrgh!) and we can't go tonight so that makes me irked at myself (and I'm feeling draggy!). Oh, well, more motivation for tomorrow AM!

h and I had some interesting chats yesterday. I'm definitely feeling more disclosure from him though I still have to admit (kicking myself) that I think he's always more open than I give him credit for. I think that my brain is so often running so far ahead and is filled with ASSumptions that I don't really "hear" him.

Anyway, somehow we got on the topic of how people often assume that someone who doesn't show their feelings or disclose them is "insensitive" or "unhurt" by events and that observation is essentially false. His point, I think, was that people judge others by what they themselves think they would do and make leaps and ASSumptions about how someone else feels/whether or not someone is hurting or impacted. The conversation was unrelated to US (it was actually about a singer that we heard on the radio) but could certainly have been applied to our R -- more so pre-DB'ing that post-DB'ing, I hope! I tend to be the "spill my guts" kind while h isn't so I've certainly done more than my share of ASSuming how he feels.

The other conversation was h giving me some awesomely positive feedback Yesterday AM h got some of his grades -- including one that he was NOT happy about at all (it was lower than he had hoped). He called me at work about it and we had a conversation -- I tried to be validating and supportive without discounting how he was feeling. Sometimes I really struggle with feeling good about how I did in those conversations! Anyway, during our supper, h toasted me and commented on how supportive I am and how he loves talking with me. He said I had said "just the right things" during the conversation. I told him that sometimes I worried about how I did and he said "the thing is, you let me know that I didn't let you down with my grades...you let me know how proud you are of me."

Yes, indeed!

I'm liking this good feeling quite a bit.

We're off to a museum tonight to see an Art Deco exhibit...then a myriad of potential plans (movie, quick dinner, who knows!).

Sage

[minnie1]

Hi Sage,

he also told me that he would EVEN be willing to consider some alternative methods if it might help him avoid getting sick..even acupuncture if it would work! It was a neat conversation (considering that h usually dismisses stuff like this as "crap" )

Sage, this is huge!!! My H would also usually consider this stuff as "crap" but I dont' know that he would ever be as open as your H. I think it speaks volumes about your H but also about you and the awesome work you've done!!!

You are (and I mean it!) an inspiration Sage. I want to be you when I grow up.

Hope you're having a good evening.
Minnie

[shinybear]

What a great catch-up, Sage!

I have to admit that I'm overwhelmed by the level of activity you have...in your life, in keeping up with posting, THE 5 A.M. WORK OUTS!!!

I had to laugh at your New Year's eve post...going to bed at 4 a.m. being a "shock to the system"...for me as usual I had to go FROM a 4 a.m. bed time to getting up at 7 a.m. (shudder) this morning.

You continue to be SUCH an inspiration...
your H too.

Shiny

[sage]

Hi Shiny and Minnie (and YOU, Pam, over on your thread!) -- such kind words! I'm not sure I'm feeling particularly inspirational of late but I will definitely take the wonderful compliments at face value .

I met h at school last night and instead of the museum plan we decided to catch a quick dinner and go see "Garden State" -- I really enjoyed the movie so I would recommend it (I suspect it will soon be out on video).

We had a snowstorm here overnight so I stayed home later than usual this AM -- got some extra sleep but also bagged going to the gym so we're heading there tonight. I think our plan is to watch a movie on TV so a nice lowkey evening.

I've got a bit of a tricky drive home (I guess it's sleeting now!) so I'll probably head home soon. Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday! I'm ready for a relaxing weekend (once again!).

Sage

[sage]

Had a cool night last night...it was one of those nights when I just felt like I could "hear" things that h was saying...it's hard for me to explain, exactly, but sometimes I'm super conscious of how I don't "hear" him thoroughly enough...

Anyway, I left work early because it was sleeting and just yucky. When I got home, h told that he had written me a short story during the day because he had been bored working on his law school homework. The story was only 2 pages long but it was just awesome. In just a few pages h managed to convey so much about the two characters, who they were, how they related to each other, etc. h is really an amazing writer! I told him (and totally meant it) that it would be a crime if he doesn't somehow use his talent -- either for public consumption or just for his own pleasure! It was hard for me to contain my words of praise because I was so darned impressed! I think h was pleased.

During our discussion of the story he told me that one thing he was trying to convey was the strength of the relationship between the two characters and the level of trust between them. One of the characters says something to the other that seemed extreme, maybe even hurtful, if there hadn't been a true deep relationship between them. h said that he felt that the ability to speak that way -- with that candor -- was a hallmark of trust. It was kind of a startling comment but one that reminded me that h has said things of that nature before -- LONG ago -- when we first met. Except that it was often out of frustration -- he would say something to me and I would react (overreact?) and he would despair at how little I must think of him to take his words "THAT" way instead of another way...his statement last night provided sort of a commentary on our ability to talk with each other, to say and hear the "hard" stuff -- or even the "mild but could be taken another way" stuff -- seems like h stripped back a few confusing layers on what it might take for us to continue learning how to relate and share.

Went to the gym. (kudos to us!). Came home and relaxed a bit. I had teed up the idea of a simple dinner to h (eggs) and he said that he wanted to cook for me. He ended up making a delicious pepper omelet which he served on toasted french bread (rubbed with olive oil and rosemary). It was truly inspired! And it seemed to please him a good deal to cook for me and goodness knows I appreciated it!

h and I had talked over new year's about doing more cooking at home. so far we've been quite successful this week! during dinner last night we talked about being honest if what we make (or what the other person makes) doesn't appeal...like, he said, I found the soup you made over the weekend too citrusy for me...but I liked the other one you made. As I've mentioned before, I love it when he is candid with his feelings (and it plays totally into the conversation we had about the story) so I was totally pleased that he told me what he thought.

After dinner we watched a movie then went to bed.

We woke up early this am. I think h was touching with my hair or something. Not a bad alarm clock!

We're off to see a college hockey game tonight...then it's a nice, unplanned, relaxing weekend.

Sage

[Heart2Heart]

Hi Sage,
Thanks for popping in over at my 'place'. I have sent you an email about getting together this weekend. I'd love to!
BTW, things are sounding awfully blissful over here...

Hugs,
-H2H

[sage]

H2H -- cool! I hope we can find a way to connect!

************
Had a very good weekend -- Friday night we went to a college hockey game. Actually, we had a few stressful moments...traffic was terrible (but we did find a parking space right away) and we weren't sure where exactly the arena was so h seemed irked and I reacted badly. It bums me out how quickly we can get into one of those mini-angry-skirmishes! Too reminiscent of "pre-bomb" times...but, hey, we rallied just fine and had a good time at the game (even though "his" team won).

Saturday we went to the gym then food shopping. It snowed quite a bit during the day and there was football to be watched so we were homebodies -- h watched the games while I read (peaking over the book every so often). We also had some cozy times too.

Sunday we bagged the gym after realizing it was too darned snowy out there! We did go to our favorite farm stand and got a bunch of stuff for cooking. I made some good baked beans in the crockpot and also tried out a stuffed mushroom recipe for the first time. I think it was a hit! More relaxing (books, football!) and then pretty early to bed.

We started the week off right by going to the gym this AM -- hooray for us!

h has apparently bought me a present he mentioned it this AM ("I'm going to buy you a present today") and when I called earlier he said "I'm looking at your present"...hmmm...I have NO idea what it could be!

School starts back up for h tomorrow -- oh, I forgot to say that he got a very good grade on his final class and I think it's safe to say that he's pleased with the semester overall...we're gonna celebrate a bit Thursday after his night class.

Me? School starts in 3 weeks and then it's 12 weeks to graduation! hooray!

Sage

[minnie1]

Hi Sage,

It sounds as if you have yet another wonderful weekend with your loving H.....

Surprise present?! I can't wait to hear what it is....

Take care,
Minnie

[sage]

After a good day at work yesterday, I went home to...ta da...a humidifier!!! YES! h bought me a humidifier which is such a thoughtful loving gift! Now, let's remember that you are dealing with a woman who has been feeling sick for months and wakes up every day with a sore throat and a cough. So, yesterday AM I'm standing in the kitchen practically crying because I feel so lousy (ok, could have to do with the fact it was 5AM, too!) and h is loving and kind about it. So, off he goes to get me this and it's all set up when I get home and the room is feeling great and last night I slept through the night (no coughing!) and woke up this AM without a sore throat in sight! Hooray for h!

After fully appreciating the humidifier, I dragged h off to a pasta store that I had heard a lot about -- we bought "potato and garlic ravioli", "beet fettucine" and "rosemary spaghetti" for the freezer -- will try out the ravioli tonight, I think so I will report back. Went out for mexican food after that and then home...early to bed.

Before I left work yesterday h left me a VM that was about the cutest thing I had ever heard.

he's back to school today..oh, he also heard yesterday that he got an interview (summer job) at THE place he wants to work...fingers crossed!

Sage