As a LD coming to this board and reading what people were posting my first couple times I totally did not open my eyes and see what was being said. With so many people talking about sex sex sex and want of sex sex sex I thought I stumbled onto a website of sex crazed lunatics just like I felt my H was. Why because I do not put a great importance on sex and did not understand the importance of it to my relationship. So I related everyone on this board to being one step away from being a pedifile or rapist. I read post after post and all I saw was I want sex I am entitled to sex bad bad spouse for not wanting to give me sex. Hairdog and his post about his breast feeling adventure was what made me start opening my eyes to what was being said. Though it was funny as hell to read with his verbage after the tears of laughter dried came the realization of omg that is me with my H. And that was the begining of me being open to understand that my perception was jaded. Now take that inital response I had and if your wife is like me where she does not understand sex is just a front for your true emotional needs and she does not herself put that emphasis on sex. Add what Gel said and the fact that her life is out in cyber space for all to see and comment on. She may just feel a little overwhelmed at the moment. Give her a little space to maul it all over hopefully she will come back and re-read what you wrote and read between the lines of all the sex talk on this board. And see that there is more to it then just a want for endless orgasms but a want for understanding of our spouses and that we are all seeking a common ground of trying to meet our spouses needs while still finding away to meet our own needs. All the while fighting a battle since the dynamics of our needs are so different. You may suggest to her a certain persons thread that you feel she can relate to in a not overwhelming mannor if you find she has not yet visited the board. For me it was Hairdogs thread his humor of the situation at hand was refreshing since anger and threats are how things are handled by my H just the same situation handled differently was enough to let me put down my defenses enough to really look at the situation from a different perspective.
I hope things even out for you today and you don't have to sleep on the couch again tonight!
Wouldn't that be a hoot - two people living in the same house who can't seem to talk about the issue IRL doing so via the board. It would be interesting to get the HD/LD perspective from the same couple "from the horses' mouths."
I'll try to find out tonight if that was the reason she was upset, and see what she thinks.
Actually...it wouldn't be the 1st time that happened if your W does choose to participate. Other couples have given us both sides from time-to-time....those IMPO are the most helpful posts out here.
I truly do hope your W chooses to really read some of these posts, and hopefully even eventually begin posting herself. She'll see there are those on here (HD) people included who are going to be open to what she has to say as well...perhaps if she does do that she'll see the pain this issue causes both sides of the R from many different perspectives.
MrsGremlin...if you do read this, please do give us your side of things; everyone here knows no story is every one-sided.
Some interesting stuff from last night. I cooked dinner again, and while I was doing so, W commented that she hoped I wasn't doing so because of "some advice I got online." I misunderstood her comment - I thought she was referring to the recipe, which I did get online, so I showed it to her. She reiterated that she was talking about "advice from online," not a recipe. I let it slide, and finished dinner. I normally would get angry &/or sulk if she makes (what I perceive to be) comments along these lines (hostile/angry/suspicious of current behavior because of the things in the past), so I decided to try a 180 and just be very upbeat and happy about it. Several times, she asked what was wrong with me or if I was on drugs (rhetorical, she knows that I don't do any drugs). She had her usual work to do, so I left her alone most of the night and just stayed in my office playing a game. When I did try to join her in bed (to sleep, I hadn't even suggested anything sexual or said anything the entire day), she tossed my pillow at me, and said "you can sleep on the couch." When I asked why, she said it was because she wanted to be alone. Instead of arguing, I just went to the couch and crashed.
Seems pretty obvious she checked out the BB, and didn't like what she saw. I'll try to discuss with her tonight, and see what she has to say about it.
I'm fairly sure that she has seen at least some of the posts, because she made some comments about my posting on here, and some other behavior (see response to Chrissy). Right now, I would hesitate to describe the results as positive. I've been delaying discussing it with her because it seems obvious to me that she disapproves of it - I'm hoping a couple of days to mull it over will help her recognize that I'm looking for answers to our problems, not "tattling" or something.
Quote: she tossed my pillow at me, and said "you can sleep on the couch."
Come on, Ms. Gremlin...you can do better than that! Next time, throw the entire couch at him!
Just kiddin... that's my job here, by the way. I hope you two get past the red herring issue of what Gremlin does to help him try to improve his relationship, and start working on actually improving the relationship.
Another approach to her would be to let her know that you need a place to vent safely....and that this forum gives you the opportunity to do so. Not only that, but it also helps keep things in perspective for you...you get input from people on both sides of the fence. As you know, people here won't just agree with you if they don't see things your way...and if we think you need a dose of reality, we'll dole that out too
My H realizes I can't always tell him everything I want to...because he isn't always open to it. He's told me in his own words that he doesn't mind me posting here because he knows I get different perspectives on how to cope/deal/handle...whatever you want to call it, with our situation.
MrsGremlin....truly, we don't judge you. Your H is here trying to work on your M, talking to strangers who would never know you if we passed you on the street. None of us are here trying to hook-up with someone else, we are all here trying to save our M's, improve them, make them better....that's why MrGremlin is here too.
Once again, I invite you to give us your side of the story. What do you have to lose? You just might find there are many people here who will empathize with you too.
