Not sure if the counselor has evening hours - I doubt it, but I'll look into that.
I'd hesitate to use your second suggestion at this point. It's not what I want, and I think (based on our history) that if I took that tack with her, she would force my hand.
Surely there is more than one MC in your area. Shop around. Ask lots of questions. You're depending on this person to facilitate the repair of the most important relationship of your life.
I'm sure I could find another...but it's such drudgery having to re-establish all the history, and getting them to understand our situation. I hate to start from ground zero again.
I'm not sure that finding one with evening hours would work anyhow - I don't see the willingness from the W to make MC a priority. I understand how busy she is (works from 8-5, comes home and does 4-5 more hours of work), so maybe waiting a few more weeks would be a good idea. I could always take a few sessions by myself while waiting.
I talked with the C about it this afternoon, and she suggested I write a letter (which can't be told that it's not a good time, ran away from, etc.) to my W telling her my concerns and asking her to play a role in resolving our problems. If only that was as easy as posting here...
Since the W is having so much stress at work, I decided to cook her a nice dinner last night. BTW, I'm not much of a cook! So I went to the store, spent an hour finding all of the ingredients needed, then went home to make my culinary masterpiece. Just as I was getting started, I noticed that our horses (we have 2) were in my backyard, enjoying my lawn. My daughter & I chased them around the neighborhood for 45 minutes, trying to get them back into the pasture. So, I ended up not starting on dinner until that was done.
Of course, the recipe called for every ingredient to be diced, shredded or otherwise mangled, so that took another hour. Finally got to cooking, but didn't get dinner served until 2.5 hours after my original plan.
The food turned out great, but I had substituted garlic for shallots in the receipe (I cannot stand onions of any type, and found out after buying them that shallots are actually some sort of onion). Although my W enjoys the taste of garlic, it doesn't agree with her sometimes, and last night was one of those times. To top it all off, the carrot cake I purchased for her desert (no one else likes it) turned out to be too rich.
Lessons Learned: 1 - Make sure barn gates are always properly fastened! 2 - If you're going to cook a special dinner for your S, try not to use ingredients that make them ill! 3 - Start preparing early, particularly if your culinary skills are somewhat below Martha Stewart's standards.
I'm not complaining - she did enjoy the meal, and appreciated the thought/effort. I just thought it was funny/sad how sometimes the things we do for our spouses, even under the best innocent intentions (I was not trying to get laid by making dinner!) don't turn out the way we hoped.
Gremlin, Between you and Lou, you fellas are keeping me in stitches this morning! That is too funny.
Last year, H made me dinner..he is not a cook either. So his menu was: 3 kinds of fondue dips with bread cubes, pieces of shrimp, and cut up vegetables for the dippers; baked potatoes, lobster, steaks, salad, and homemade chocolate mousse for dessert.
I mean, I WAS pregnant so I put a pretty good dent in the feast but man it was overkill. I have never seen a man so flustered and frazzled in my life. He had somethin going on every single burner and the bbq and oven, as well. I thought he was going to lay his head on the table and cry by the time the meal was served. LOL
HP, you got me laughing there. That sounds like one of my typical over the top moves that your H did there. I recall one time a good friend and I decided we were going to cook for our wives (this was a long time ago) Suffice it to say, hamburgers should not take 6 hours to prepare, no matter how "gourmet" they might be
You got yourself a good H there, girl. He means well, and yeah, he doesn't "get" you all the time, but dang it, you got a good H there. Heck, you might find yourself in the position of having to 'just do it'. Being the HD in the relationship, that feels really really weird (MrsG was all frisky last night and I couldn't have given a rat's behind, but I went along and wound up having a good time). Who'da thunk an HD would be arousal before desire?????
I suspect that if it hadn't been for the calming influence of beer, I would have cried myself! My menu wasn't as elaborate as yours - I made her a Tom Collins (her favorite drink) to start, with a tossed spring salad with raspberry vinagerette dressing and grilled ciabata bread for an appetizer. The main course was pasta with smoked turkey and wild mushrooms, and of course carrot cake for dessert. The whole time I was making it, my mind kept flashing back to every cooking show I've ever seen on TV, where the chef has all of the ingredients prepared and organized for them, and they just combine them. Now I know why - it takes 3X as long to prepare to cook as it does to cook! Next time I see Rachel Ray, I may do something unspeakable to the TV.
HD or LD, if your spouse makes you a dinner that does not previously involve the services of: A) a freezer B) a clown &/or surly teenager dressed in polyester asking if you would like fries with that be sure to recognize the effort that he/she put into it, and realize that it is an expression of their caring for you. Unless, of course, they include ingredients which result in your illness, which may be a sign that they are trying to kill you.
Yeah cooking supper every night bites it but MrH compliments me every single night too. Smart man.
You are a good H and hilarious to boot.
GGB, he is a good h. An excellent H, even.
Too bad we seem to miss out on the best qualities of each other. He so desperately wants to please me and, yet, he will not show me the side of him that he knows will please me the best--unless I withdraw entirely. Bizarre.
Andddddddddd, before you even ask, no I have not withdrawn from speaking his love languages. I still do it, and it is from the heart. Spiritual discussions and all. I'm just not in the mood to strive for passion with him.
Sorry gremlin for hijacking.
Btw, you really know how to make one hungry. That was a feast you prepared for her. We have no food in the house since we are leaving in 12 hours for 2.5 weeks. I think I saw some old salami and a tortilla in the fridge. This is a FAR cry from ciabatta and smoked turkey pasta, which I can't even type without salivating you rat b@*#&!%.
So I went to the store, spent an hour finding all of the ingredients needed, then went home to make my culinary masterpiece. Just as I was getting started, I noticed that our horses (we have 2) were in my backyard, enjoying my lawn. My daughter & I chased them around the neighborhood for 45 minutes, trying to get them back into the pasture. So, I ended up not starting on dinner until that was done. 