You can't "M'am, yes M'am" your way thru a marriage. In Civi world you have to talk about things.
Neither is the commanding officer. Neither is the "grunt".
I agree with the others, since you did the prostitutes there has been enough time for some unfortunate thing to show and I'm sure you would have taken care of "something".
I am a bit confused. Why didn't the marriage license blood work allert you to her herpies? Isn't that tested for?
You have a very active desire level. PE can be treated and MOST of it is coaching to control. Have you seen a specialist?
I havent read the entire thread but in your opinion, why does she see you as a threat? Sis so protectorate, (hey the concern is great just why does she expect the worst?)
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
So what did the shrink say when you went to see her? Does your W know you are going to see a C?
Does your wife have a particular faith orientation? (catholic, methodist...??) What was her family like growing up? Why did she get divorced the first time?
Actually, she didn't say much - mainly asked questions related to my post (which she read thru). She said: - If you could describe what your ideal marriage would look like, what would it be? - Get back into my exercise routine, which will help deal with stress/unhappiness - Tell wife about visit when I think she's ready to hear about it, and extend invitation for her to join future session
I have a follow up visit after the new year, so hopefully I'll have some more information then.
Was just re-reading this post...and wondering how I'm sitting at the same point today as I was then. Has anyone had any success with therapy methods NOT involving a counselor? I don't think W is willing to go, so maybe if there's something we could do together at home, we can make some progress.
You don't think your W is willing to go to a C? Why not remove the doubt...simply ask her. She might respond the way you think she will, but she might not....give her the benefit of the doubt and ask her. Be loving about it though and tell her you want to work on your M but that you need her help to do that....something like that.
I'm thinking that's the thing to do. Ironically enough, after making this post I went to the mailbox to check the mail. I had a letter from my C, asking if everything was going well - it was just a form letter, but the timing was so strange that I considered it a sign. I called back and (through VM) told her that things have not improved, and that I am interested in continuing therapy, but only if we can get my W involved. I'll discuss with her tonight.
Finally worked up the courage to ask W about resuming counseling this morning. She told me that with her busy work schedule, there was no way she'd have time for it (which is true, this is her company's busiest time of the year). Seemed angry that I even suggested it. After rejecting the suggestion, she left for work without saying another word. I'm feeling pretty dispirited and pessimistic about the whole thing. I feel like I'm the only one trying to improve the R, and it's like beating my head up against a brick wall.
What a downer. Any counselors who have office hours in the evening? I've been to a family counselor who did, so it's possible.
You could also ask her whether she wants to pay $x an hour for a counselor (which might be at least partially paid for by your health insurance), or $160 an hour for an attorney, none of which is reimbursed by insurance. And do your homework...actually have some names of attorneys and their hourly rate.
Tell her my favorite line: Marriage is grand, divorce is 10 grand.
I feel like I'm the only one trying to improve the R, and it's like beating my head up against a brick wall.