When it comes to counseling or even reading SSM (I also read Mars & Venus in the Bedroom, but really only used it to prove I was right) I don't know if she's afraid of addressing the problems or just so angry/hurt that she no longer wants to.
I'm not aware of any prior history she has with problems, and at this point would not dare bring that up. I would have to leave that in the hands of a counselor. I'm sure that the trouble with my father plays a direct and significant role in our current problems (yesterday she even commented that ever since, she has been watching to make sure I don't start behaving like him), but I can't fault her too much for that. I've spent many sleepless hours worring that his future could become my future, that his sickness could be heriditary/passed on through parenting style, etc. I disliked him enough and thought that he was such a bad father that I decided I would not have kids of my own. I was worried that I would be like him - and in some ways, I am. As much as I hated his authoritarian, overbearing, demanding approach to parenting, I sometimes do it myself with my step-daughters. So maybe it's not such a stretch - I certainly have no interest in the things he did, but then again, maybe he didn't always have it either.
Although I don't know much about her background, I do know that her family (particularly her mother) is cold and distant about relationships. In the two or so years that I watched her mother's interactions with her husband, I never saw them touch. Not once. No exchanges of affection. Separate bedrooms. I always wondered if that was our future.
