Next....your wife has got some serious issues boiling around in her brain and she's using many smokescreens to avoid some pretty major issues.
As for you coming clean about sleeping w/prostitutes and her having genital herpes...in my book there's not a lot in comparison, herpes isn't something you should hide from your spouse....EVER.
Using porn to MB is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of...and it's not as if she's giving you a better option, so you're taking care of your physical needs the best you can...nothing ot be ashamed of there. You aren't doing it in the middle of the living room in front of the kids afterall...but that seems to be the reaction she's giving you.
As for picking up and reading SSM...good for you!! Her response of "that won't work" tells me she's afraid of what that book contains. Not to mention that you have done something pro-active to work on the solution to the problem...now she's going to have to deal with that, that's very threatening to her...she's afraid of something. Her behavior of locking herself in the bedroom is controlling and childish; IMO she can't be much more clear that she wants to avoid this....why?
You've stated that when you were dating things were great right? I can't help but notice that her problems came out with your SL approx. 6-mo after your father was arrested (do I have the time-frame correct?). Is it possible that many of her problems are stemming from this? Here's my reasoning. You haven't mentioned much about her background...what is that like, her childhood/adolescence, her first marriage? The reason I ask is this turn in events with your family seems to have set off a switch in her...she's pushing you away as fast as she can....is it possible she experienced anything similar to what your father did?
A bit of background on her would be really helpful :-)
