Okay, take a deep breath this is going to take awhile. You've read DR, read it again. I've read it 5 times in two months and still find new inspiration. Read the posts here. The ones I concentrate on are from former WAS's who have reconsidered. Great insight to be had through them.
Your wife had an affair. Have you found it in yourself to forgive her. Have you examined your part in what led to the affair. I can tell you from my sitch, my W and I were having problems and arguements at the time she met OM. She was vulnerable and he swooped in. Once you identify what's needed, do it. Sounds like validating her feelings is somethinmg OM provided and you did not. Do a 180 on this now. Draw her into conversation, not R talk, and empathise and validate where needed. Become a good listener. The C gave you this ammunition now use it to your advantage.
Look up a copy of Chapman's 5 Love Languages. Great resource and insight into how can miss providing that which our S needs most.
Keep up the friendly detachment. It is on you to decide to trust her again. You can do this. As I've told my W, "Nothings been done that can't be undone." You are still living together and you have an opportunity to make positive changes for yourself and make a difference in the R.
We'll be here to help,
ShawnL
So if you're tired of that same old story, turn some pages. I'll be ready when you are able, to roll with the changes. - REO Speedwagon
