Here is my sitch. In July of this summer I found out that my wife was looking for an apartment. This obviously was a wake up call. I started to become much more interested in our relationship and asked on several occasions if there was someone else involved. The reply was no. Over the next couple of months I could see their was a wall between us. Before July she had mentioned on several occasions that she was unhappy. I always made myself available to talk about it. Initially she indicated that it was work or that it was her head and that she wasn't sure it was me. I tried being more attentive to our relationship, helping more around the house. Telling her that I love her, buying flowers etc. To some degree, I think she likes that flowers and thoughtfulness but she never reciprocates. As we got into September and the situation did not improve I increasingly became suspicious of her being involved with someone. I started paying attention to what she was doing and her clothing. Suffice it to say that I found evidence of her affair. I confronted her and after denial she finally admitted. She said it was going on for about 6 months. She was ready to leave that night but I told her not to leave and that I wasn't going to throw her out despite the betrayal. During the weeks that followed, I pursued, spyed and tried to get her to talk about R. About 1 month later she said that she wanted to D. We told the kids that night. She tried to make it out as a mutual decision but I made her tell the kids it was her choice. She got scared by morning and said that she would stay if I didn't ask about the OM, she worked at current employer until Jan(he works with her). and that she would go back to school. I agreed. About 12 days ago I read DR and it seems to be helping. I have not talked about R and I have curtailed much of the pursuing. I still make her feel loved but am trying not to pressure and just be a friend. It seems to help but for all I know she is still involved with him. Needless to say this is the toughest thing I have faced in my life. We have 2 kids, D16 and S12. We have gone to a counselor once (at my request). We went seperately. The counselor said that she is staying because of security and the kids for now. The affair happened because she was unhappy and he validated her and that I will need to validate her feelings better than OM if I want her to get back intimite feelings. I know this is a lot but I am one messed up dude. Any suggestions would be helpful
