Life, One Chapter at a Time

[psluke]

Hi Slowly,

That is so sweet. AND I believe you! See I am getting better.

I told my C I would sit down and give it some thought, it just wasn't something I could throw out off the top of my head.

[sage]

Pam -- Morning

Actually I STILL have not done my homework! I told her so tonight when I went in for my session. She said you mean you can't just sit there and tell me one thing you like about yourself? I said no, but when I'm in the right mood I am sure I can come up with something. She said that is sad and must be difficult to live that way. I said well, it does make it hard to accept that people genuinuely like you if you don't like yourself and I'm sure it didn't help D and I's relationship any either.

So, it's not too late to right now sit down with a pen and paper and come up with some stuff!

I still leave my sessions feeling I was all over the place and yet didn't cover any ground either! I am not sure how to improve that for next time. The sessions are 45 minutes and I talk too much I guess I need to write out what I want to cover before I ever get there and then stick to it. But sometimes when we digress I discover something I had no idea of. So what do I do?

Well, you could start by doing your homework (I'm really just kidding on that...sort of).

I think the "all over the place" feeling is common -- you've only just started going, right? And, as you point out, the talk,talk,talk can lead to thoughts, ideas, etc that you hadn't thought of before. Maybe letting yourself brainstorm with her for a bit longer you'll come up with some ideas of areas you want to focus on.

You could also write stuff down (as you proposed). Sometimes it's good to go in there with a couple of topics you want to be sure to cover even if you're just throwing them out there for future reference.

One way to maximize the time is to focus on YOU and not D or J, right?

Do you feel like she's solution based? Could you start with figuring out what's different about the times when you do feel positively about yourself? Also, have you ever looked into "feeling good" by Burns? It's a book that might be interesting for you to check out.

also, I keep forgetting to respond to you about the "embers" story. No, I didn't come up with that on my own. It's from "Your Buddha Nature" by Jack Kornfield which is an awesome, awesome tape series that I would recommend to anyone.

Sage

[psluke]

Hi Sage,

I do intend to do the homework. I just have had so much going on that I just didn't feel I had the time to sit down and give it the thought it deserves.

I guess it seems a very slow process and she only gets bits and pieces and is that going to get me anywhere?

I definitely plan to write some things up before I go back for my next session.

The way D and J have came up is in connection with me trying to get some closure on that situation.

I am not sure that she is solution based. That is also a concern for me.

I need to read the Burns book, I actually have it at the house right now.

I really do want to eventually get that tape series.

Thank you Sage.

[cycler28]

Mornin'Pam

Being busy is great, but being too busy for yourself is dangerous!!

Afterall, YOU are the focus of your sessions, not the C. Make those sessions count by readying yourself. (Make the C earn her money too! )

It probably wouldn't take you too long if you just gave it five minutes, first thing in the morning before your day gets too crowded, if you just write down whatever came to mind upon waking, like: What do I like about myself at this very moment?....even before you get out of bed!

Maybe you could reward yourself with something extra for breakfast!!for doing your homework.

Waiting until you are in the "right mood" or have nothing else to do, will never happen!!
Life has a way of filling up time, when we aren't looking.
Take contol of your time and give yourself this gift of self-awareness.

I too have been fortunate to have found your smiling face and words of encouragement when I needed them most!!
You are a caring, sensitive person who gives everthing she has to those she cares about!

Maybe another question she will ask is, what do you NOT like about yourself? This doesn't mean she is not solution oriented. Sometimes it's good when you first start with a therapist, to just let it all go, talk as much as you lke for awhile. She should begin to focus in on things after just a few sessions.

Your C is right about it taking two to make the M what it is....It is never just any one person's responsibility for the relationship. You may have done some things wrong, we all do, but D is not without responsibility also.

Writing things down that you would like to discuss during your sessions is an excellent way to stay on target. I would suggest that you don't wait until the day before, to start compiling a list.....Write things down as you go through your week and as they come to mind. This way you won't forget to remember and you won't be as disappointed when certain subjects aren't covered.

Have a great day!
Trish

[sage]

Pam --

I do intend to do the homework. I just have had so much going on that I just didn't feel I had the time to sit down and give it the thought it deserves.

I agree with Trish that this doesn't have to be an all out big time effort -- spend a few minutes here and there. I like the idea of setting aside some specific time during the day.

I guess it seems a very slow process and she only gets bits and pieces and is that going to get me anywhere?

Well, where are you trying to go?

How about invoking some patience, Ms. Pam? Go along for the ride for a bit, see where it takes you. Aren't you already learning some things about yourself? Don't you think that she is, too?

The way D and J have came up is in connection with me trying to get some closure on that situation.

Yes...and I know that you can't avoid all mention...only point I was getting at was to spend as much of your 45 minutes talking about things that are controllable by YOU. I had a C once who was fascinated with my younger sister (based on things that I had told her) and it didn't take long until THAT was the focus of our meetings...not me...not my sitch. I'm just suggesting focusing on your feelings/actions and not trying to diagnose/dwell on D or J.

I am not sure that she is solution based. That is also a concern for me.

I wasn't trying to raise it as a concern so much as being curious...I WILL say that giving you homework is a GOOD sign, IMHO.

Sage

[psluke]

It is BEAUTIFUL outside here today!!!!!!!!!!

The largest snowflakes just all over the place. We don't normally get snow like this and they are calling for 12 plus inches by the time it stops!! The neighbors kids are out running in the snow and laying down to make snow angels. Rather neat, now if someone were just here baking and the house smelled like cookies!!! The perfect Christmas scene.

I had an appointment at my eye doctor this morning and it took me 2 hours to get there and even longer to get home and boy am I glad to be here! Traffic was bumper to bumper crawling on the expressway as I drove home.

The drive up for the first part wasn't bad, very pretty and lots of thinking time.

I have decided I was looking at my homework all wrong. That is why I was saying it needed lots of thought! I was more looking at it like qualities to really hold up and admire rather than just every day things I like.

That will be much easer.

[psluke]

Something else that occurred to me is that making the effort to make appointments to take care of me is a sign that I am starting to heal a bit and feel more like taking care of me.


I also think this is a good sign, since this is the first snow at my new house I went out and took pictures of it. Then went out back with the kids and got some of them playing in the snow!!!

[sage]

I have decided I was looking at my homework all wrong. That is why I was saying it needed lots of thought! I was more looking at it like qualities to really hold up and admire rather than just every day things I like.

That will be much easer.

AWESOME!! HOORAY!!!

I think you're gonna like brainstorming!!

Sage

[sage]

Something else that occurred to me is that making the effort to make appointments to take care of me is a sign that I am starting to heal a bit and feel more like taking care of me.

I absolutely and completely believe this, Pam. That's one of the reasons why I was so pleased to see you proactive about contacting your C and your Dr. It's absolutely "good stuff" to see that you are holding yourself "important enough" to keep healthy.

Sage

[psluke]

Hey Ms. Sage,

I have to stay healthy to take care of my babies!

I am not sure what it will take to make the last steps, time I'm sure will help. When I am involved in things that don't throw D and J in my face I feel pretty content overall.

It is when I read the newsletter from the club and read about them, when I have to see or deal with him, seeing her at our house. And eventually seeing them at dog shows. My C says we are going to get me to the point where that doesn't bother me. She didn't say HOW we are going to do that.

My guess is to just keep building my own life up till that pain isn't the central focus anymore, even when I see them!