Life, One Chapter at a Time

[sage]

But after all of this time of him being gone and being with J, shouldn't I by now have stopped caring about him????????

Do you mean that you should have stopped wanting him to come back? or do you truly mean that you would have stopped loving him, wishing him well, having compassion, etc?

IMHO, the first one takes a long, long time perhaps...and maybe it ebbs and flows...and hopefully someday you look up and say to yourself "I would NOT choose this r. if offered to me on a silver platter." (this R as it stands today and in fairly recent past...but that isn't what you're mourning, is it Pam? You're mourning the things that you MISS because they were positive, right?)

The second one? well, here's my wish for myself if my h should decide to leave...I hope that I am eventually able to wish him love, happiness and peace in his new life (yah, I know, but I gotta aim high!). The hate machine I spoke of only does a disservice to YOU, not him. Remember the "burning ember" story I told you? If you cling to your hatred/hurts but then think of them as burning embers, you see who gets hurt the most by them.

Is this helping? I think you have made amazing strides. It doesn't surprise me one bit that you still hurt when you are with him. That's the kind of loving, caring person you are!

Sage