Life, One Chapter at a Time

[sage]

I agree. I think I handled this time much differently. I called the doctors office. I called my A's wife and directly discussed being upset rather than do the drama crap to get help. I also left a vm just asking my C to call that I was having a rough day. Not my usual drama when looking for help to deal with my emotional garbage. At least not like in the past.
Even when I did post it was much more direct I think.

I love that you can see how well you handled this!

Afterwards I did lots of processing and I think I may have finally made some major steps for myself. I do plan to discuss this with my C when I see her on Monday.

GREAT! I look forward to hearing anything that you're comfortable sharing!

This isn't the first time I have had the suicidal thoughts but I haven't posted about them, just sit with them as they aren't real but are a fantasy where I would be able to see the results, not the selfish ones of my family but the ones that I hope it would in some way cause D to feel shame and remorse for what he has done. So the thoughts are partly my desire for revenge? Or justification. Not really sure what the proper word would be here.

I definitely think that I know what you mean. And I'm very glad that you are able to distinguish real from fantasy.

I believe one area that I need to focus on is to find ways to deal with stress, hopefully BEFORE I start to feel swamped!

VERY wise! It really seems like you're "seeing" stuff so clearly...and I think that will help you identify "oh, I'm feeling stressed" feelings sooner!

I have decided the only way I can look at PK is as a project that I need to do the best job I can do on it and in the most economical way to be able to pay my dad back hopefully!

Excellent! I know it's not easy...so I think you should be very proud that you've figured out this logical way of handling it!


Sage