Hello all, Just poping in to give you an up date. Thisgs betwwen Brandon and I have never been better. we have really reconnected and he has become an even better version of the man I feel in love with. ( it helps that he has been in Calgary for 3 months )We have been working on our house and yard and really reconnecting. We put Hardwood flooring in our house, and had a great time working together, we painted, build a pond in the back yard, planted some flowers. We work so well together, and not one disagreement or fight in months Our communcations skill are great. I was not feeling well yesterday, and I was late for an appointment, so I snap at him .for the first time in months, and he just looked at me and said NOTHING- It is amazing how quickly you realize your were wrong, went it does not blow up in to defending match. Oh how I love my H. My Grandma stayed with for a week, and afterwards told me how much she loves Brandon, and how she really thinks B and I are going to be ok. She said the changes are amazing. This means alot from a stuborn old lady, like my grandma. Even my mom has mention how proud she is of B. It helps that other people can see the changes in B. It helps me believe that they are real, and that I am not blind again. We are still having an issue in the bedroom ! I am still having a hard time not thing about OW afterwards ! I see the love it his eyes for me when we make love, and I always wonder if he look at HER like that!!!! Any suggest on how to get pass this? Our C, just keeps telling me to remember he is with me . I wish I could find a way to get pass this. B is very patient, but I am a afriad I will have to start posting in the SSM fourm soon.
* If B felt the same way about the OW as he does with you, would he have swallowed his pride and gone through the difficult process of reconciling the R? * If B felt the same way about the OW would he have let her go as soon as he saw you slipping away? * Is ML with B a primary way for you to satisfy your needs or an excellent opportunity for you to portray your emotional and physical love to him.
I am sure what you are experiencing is normal. It is difficult for someone to forget an extreme emotional event. I do know time will help. I talked to a friend of mine here in town and he said it is hard for him to remember the details of his wife's A. He accomplished this by not dwelling on it (thought stopping) and looking at all the positives he and his W have experienced since the A.
My feeling is that it will take time. As long as both of you continue to express your emotions and feelings, openly and honestly, the strength of your R will outweigh the weight of the A. You may never forget the A, but you certainly can forgive to the best of your ability.
It comes down to how you handle the feelings when they surface. If you dwell on the negative, you will get negative results. If you stay positive and recognize all of the effort and the benefits of the effort, the past will not haunt you nearly as long. Also remember, it is B who had the A. He is doing a very honorable, noble and at the same time difficult thing. He is carrying a ton of guilt because of his actions. He is putting every effort into the R to win back your love. HE IS MAKING HIS WRONG, RIGHT! Not every guy in the world would do that. You are fortunate to have someone who will.
Let time heal and follow your heart. From your post I can tell you are in conflict with what your heart and mind are saying. It is OK to use both, but let the actions speak for B. I think they hold the answer you are looking for.
Hi everyone just thought I would drop a quick note and let you all know things are going well. It is hard to believe only one year ago, I was sitting at my desk venting to the board about how H had not called me in weeks, How he forgot my b-day etc……Now I almost have to remind myself it even happened, and the events of last year where not just a bad dream. We are both really happy, and we have both done 180’s. Our hard work has really paid off. Things have been so busy lately I have not had the time to post, still lurking though.
So now some of my fellow DBers may disapprove but I do have good news. Brandon and I are pregnant!
I am due in April.
WOW was that scary, I cried for 3 days how we where not ready and how my life was over. Poor H was so excited, and so disappointed in my reaction ( this was not planned, in fact we are still having intimacy issues and just started to read ssm, But it only takes once) But I am really excited now and think we are ready. I am mean we have never been happier with one another so why not now. anyways i Must get back to work, Take care everyone, I will try to post soon
Last edited by married_three_months; 10/18/0508:19 PM.
M3M, That is wonderful news!!! Nothing is more rewarding than giving birth, and having them look in your eyes for the first time. Or when your having a blue day, and they walk up to you and give you a kiss and tell you they love you, for no reason.
I couldn't imagen not having my darlings. I'm really happy for you guys!!!
My word of advice, please, don't put B or yourself on the back burner, Like I did. Please learn from my mistake.
I'm glad too that things are working out for you. Do you know the sex of the baby?
PLW
I saved my marriage and so can you....Its all about positive thinking...
I am so glad for you, I wish you and your H every success in your marriage and life together. It is a great sign that you were both able to look at yourselves hard and work on things together and WORK IT OUT!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Thanks everyone. No we dont know what the sex is, I went for my first ultrasound and I am only 11 weeks, due May 11. So it was to soon to say for sure.
Ho everyone one, Just wanted to pop in and wish everyone a merry chrsitmas and a happy new year. I am looking forward to the new year, a new leaf. My goal for this year is to have NO drama. I would like to go a whole year without anything unpleasant happening. Although I highly doubt it. Well I guess the good news is Brandon and are still going strong and very excited about the baby. The ultra sound confirmed that she has clubbed feet! The good new (or I guess the not so good news but it could be worst) is it is only clubbed feet and the clubbed feet is not a sign of something else. But it is still upsetting none the less.Chances are the poor thing is going to have to have surgery with in the first few day of her life or at least be casted to try to fix the problem. And she will most likely be in a cast or splits for the first two years and even though my doctor says there is nothiing I could have done to prevent it or cause it. I still can not stop beating myself up about it. My mom and I are hardley speacking these days. Her new boyfriend, is an A$$. I tried acting as if, but I am telling you I have never meant anyone so cruel in my life... The worst part he thinks it is funny. But I am just venting/Jouraling. Anyone no anything about clubbed feet, I have tired the interent but it is a very limited subject. Well take care all. Oh and PLW if you have no figured it out we are having a girl.
Glad to here you and B are doing well. How is his shoulder? Still giving him problems? I hope not.
As a Mom you are going to be amazed at how a little girl can brighten your days. Are you going to stay at home or do the day care thing?
A big change is coming into your lives. Start to develop those scenarios in your head about how to handle those days when life / husband / child / life issues have you worn to the bone. Sit down with B and work out a generic plan. I gaurantee it will change, but at least start communicating about it. Children demand a lot of time. Time that will have to come from something you are both doing now. You will simply have to change priorities for about 18 yrs.
)We have been working on our house and yard and really reconnecting. We put Hardwood flooring in our house, and had a great time working together, we painted, build a pond in the back yard, planted some flowers. We work so well together, and not one disagreement or fight in months 
Our communcations skill are great. I was not feeling well yesterday, and I was late for an appointment, so I snap at him 
.for the first time in months, and he just looked at me and said NOTHING- It is amazing how quickly you realize your were wrong, went it does not blow up in to defending match. 
Oh how I love my H. My Grandma stayed with for a week, and afterwards told me how much she loves Brandon, and how she really thinks B and I are going to be ok. She said the changes are amazing. This means alot from a stuborn old lady, like my grandma. Even my mom has mention how proud she is of B. It helps that other people can see the changes in B. It helps me believe that they are real, and that I am not blind again. 
! I am still having a hard time not thing about OW afterwards 
. I wish I could find a way to get pass this. B is very patient, but I am a afriad I will have to start posting in the SSM fourm soon.