Thanks Ellie, Your right B has a huge amount of growing up to do. Huge, This is my biggest problem right now. I get so frustrated when he acts immature. But here is what my problems is I have never once aloud myself to think positively about him since he left me. Defense mechanism, I think. Ron had posted to me a few weeks ago about me setting some goals. So, as of right now I only have one goal!
Remember the positives.
So here is my kind of pro vs. con list / changes I saw in him over the last year.
When I meet him and for the first two years of our R:
He is/was very sweet very kind, always put me first. Did sweet little thing for me, love notes, breakfast in bed. Always complimented me and showed his appreciation. Every night after dinner he would thank me, and tell me it was good. Told me the house look good when I clean by myself. Everything was 50/50- From buying groceries, housework and finances. Even though I made more money then him. He got a better paying job, because we started talking about having a family. Was honest with me about his $$$ issues, sincerely wanted to fix them. We meet with a finance adviser. We set a budget. He used the budget. He was great with our friend’s kids. Talk about wanting kids. We talk about everything. We were a team. He took pride in himself and our house. He did not use drugs/did not like to “party”. He was confident and secure. Calm and reasonable. We never fought and when we disagreed, it was discussed calmly and maturely.
In the last year here is what I saw different:
He stopped helping with the housework. He started going out with his friends and spending tons of money/ never called/sometimes he did not come home at all. Started saying he does not want kids. Stopped talking to me. I always came in second. Made me feel taken for granted. When we disagreed tempers would flare, he’d yell, I’d yell.
Quote:
No. Requiring him to go through this stage and not short-circuiting it by letting him back too early is for HIS good as well as your safety. –
I could not agree with you more. I just wish he’d get it all ready.
Quote: Just give it some time. Give him the opportunity to become a better man. Keep the bar high and your boundaries clear. Don't sleep with him (no point in bringing a baby into all this mess, and he needs at least six months after his last sexual contact to have a reliable negative HIV test.). Even if you don't stay with him, he will likely come out of this a better man if he works to win you back. If you cut him completely loose right now, I suspect he will drown (given my previous convos with him.)
He is drowning, I keep him a float. But I wish he’d figure out how to swim already. I am getting tried. I want the man I feel in love with back. Not the jealous, insecure, immature, unreasonable, blaming me for everything, short temped, alien.
