M3M - I'll reiterate the position I took before. Your H has a HUGE amount of growing and learning to do before he is "marriage material" and worth taking a chance on having children with. Do I think it's possible he could grow that much? Anything's possible. Do I think you should take him back before he has shown a determined, sustained commitment to doing all the things that would be necessary to prove he has dealth with his issues and changed? No. Requiring him to go through this stage and not short-circuiting it by letting him back too early is for HIS good as well as your safety.
Is he up to the challenge? We'll see by his behavior over the next several months. He needs to figure out why he started the affair in the first place, why he used drugs, why he was too chickenshit to call off the wedding and tell you he was having an affair.
Do I think you owe it to him? Not really - your vows were given under false pretenses (as you didn't know he was having an affair at the time) and I believe that releases you from any obligation to stick to your vows.
Do I think you need to decide right now? No.
Just give it some time. Give him the opportunity to become a better man. Keep the bar high and your boundaries clear. Don't sleep with him (no point in bringing a baby into all this mess, and he needs at least six months after his last sexual contact to have a reliable negative HIV test.). Evem if you don't stay with him, he will likely come out of this a better man if he works to win you back. If you cut him completely loose right now, I suspect he will drown (given my previous convos with him.)
