H phones last evening, there was some doubt about whether the landlord and family were going up for the weekend as the wife had to have some surgery. H said he would let me know today.
Next week is H's birthday. I don't know any more whether to mark it in any way or not. Last year I gave him a card, just before he went off to OW2's country and started R with her.
Last year on my birthday he happened to be spending the night here the night before. In the morning, D made a card and got H to sign it. H made pancakes for breakfast, then headed off into town. He COULD have suggested having lunch out or something, but didn't. (In fact, I think I cautiously brought up the possibility, but H said he was busy...) Basically, if it hadn't been D cajoling him, he would have ignored it totally from his side. I must say, it didn't surprise me, but it did hurt that he could actually be in the house and yet so uninterested. My birthday the previous year was only a couple of days after the bomb, and we went out to eat, but I only managed to swallow a couple of mouthfuls....
Any thoughts on this? I don't know if OW2 (the bad rash ) will still be around.
Also, H will turn 45, yet keeps saying he is nearly 50! So perhaps I need to steer clear of age related cards?? (How about one with "Now you are nearly 100!! )
Should I remind D about it and encourage her to do something for him? He doesn't do the same in reverse. This is where I have a problem of things usually being one way.
Otherwise, things are chugging along. My friend has been here since Sunday and it is nice to have company.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Maybe I shouldn't look at what happened these past few birthdays, unless it is to maybe learn something from them, instead I need to look forward.
H has never been one to really observe birthdays and other celebrations very much. I remember the first Chrsitmas we had after we married, he was overwhelmed at getting presents, he said that no one had given him presents at Christmas for years. It is notable that both the last two Christmases he was without an OW, he spent the first alone and the second he was at our place.
So I guess filling his tank over his birthday might be a very good idea.
But how to do this without pursuing or setting myself up for a fall? That is the question!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Quote: Easy - just make everything "from your daughter".
Yes, that is an option.
D is only going up for the day on Saturday as the landlord and family are only going up for the day. I heard D asking her Dad if he couldn't come down here for a bit. Later she told me that H will talk to me tomorrow about this. I am not getting much notice....
Thing is, I don't know how long OW2 is going to be in the picture, physcially and otherwise.
Guess I have to play things by ear.
I suppose a card and gift from D will be what I can work on at the moment. Do I make it obvious I had a hand in things?
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
My opinion would be that you do what makes you feel right. If giving H a card is something you enjoy or get satisfaction from then do so...not because you are trying to make him "notice" or expect a gesture or utterance of "thank you"...but because it makes YOU feel good about yourself I don't know if you are like me or not but I am a "giver"...I get satisfaction just from that in itself...any expression of gratituded is just icing on the cake. When I can't "give" I get very frustrated and often angry...I am in essence not being able to express ME.
So, give the card if you want...keep it lighthearted so you don't gie the wrong idea...and fix something up fro your D to give him. Just because he wants to act like a butt doesn't mean you need to do the same (unless you WANT to of course )
Regards, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
H rang and said that the landlord and family had said they would return with D tomorrow maybe 2.30, maybe 3.30, or 4.30pm...
I said, well, that is not good for me, I want to go out and do something. H said, how about if I came down instead and spend Sunday there with you and D.
Well, I had D and friend playing a game with me at the time I was on the phone, I was thinking of his birthday, and getting D to sepnd time with her Dad, and sort of said yes without too much thought.
Now, with a bit of time to think about it, I feel a little bamboozled. You know what? After my friend leaves tomorrow, and H is gone on Monday, I am going to make a resolution to put myself first, to NOT take on more than I can really cope with. I keep allowing myself to get sidetracked and then moaning to myself that I have no time for the things I need to do. I have been 'distracted' all week.
I guess I will just have to make the best of things, have a good PMA tomorrow and act as if.
I must say, for H who thinks he is here on sufferance, he sure invites himself around quite often.
Got to go, people around...
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
) will still be around.
)
I don't know if you are like me or not but I am a "giver"...I get satisfaction just from that in itself...any expression of gratituded is just icing on the cake. When I can't "give" I get very frustrated and often angry...I am in essence not being able to express ME.
