I have entertained him here LOADS of times, even his friends and relatives!
This morning, before D was due to be picked up by H's landlord, the phone rang. I knew it would be H asking me to request the landlord to pick up supplies on the way for him and D. It was. I asked D to mention it to them, she said, no, you tell them! One of the items is a snack for D.
I am afraid I said out loud, I don't understand why H or D can't do this, why do *I* wind up asking the landlord to purchase these items, which are for H and D?
D said, Dad doesn't have their home number and their cellphone is always, or often, swithed off. Well, he can GET their number if he asks, and seeing as he has contacted them to arrange the lift, he must in fact have it, and he can also tell them himself what to buy for him.
D also mentioned that her Dad had been to the supermarket yesterday (must have told her on the phone) so why is he asking me to send up yogurts?
I am going to email him soon, saying because I find it awkward telling his landlord to buy stuff (which of course H pays for!) I would prefer him to tell them directly when he rings them about the lift.
It also disturbs me that in fact they are kind and helpful, giving D lifts up, doing bits of shopping for him and giving D a Christmas present, while H feels happy to bad mouth them when he talks to me. I might slip in a comment about their kindness when I email H as well.
Last night I decided I hadn't been very responsive to H's overture, asking for a comment, so I emailed him something back, light. This morning there was a response to that. Also light, but friendly.
I suppose I need to respond to H's good overtures, to encourage them, not ignore them now. Only ignore, or discourage, the bad ones.
Oh, he mentioned that he emailed me the original request because he hadn't been able to sleep so he was fiddling around on his computer. On my side, I pushed myself to have an early night last night and slept for a solid nine hours. Even on weekends when D goes to H, on the Saturday I have to be up to get her ready for a time even earlier than a school day, so I don't get a lie in. Tomorrow the friend is arriving, EARLY!! Guess I will have to make sure I go to bed tonight nice and early!
See, all this stuff here, eating lunch at my house, sending up shopping/yogurts, asking the landlord to do stuff etc, all little acts of service, the kind I have been doing for H in every department for all the years of our M, and he never seemed to notice it. Took it completely for granted. Maybe the lack of it now, or at least the fact that he has to ask for it now, and I *may* not comply, will set him thinking about how much I may have contributed to our M.
I think H's Love Language is Words of Affirmation, so all the acts of service I did over the years, and I am an acts of service type of person, probably just got taken completely for granted, which is how H is able to tell me with a straight face that I did 'nothing'.
What I don't understand is, he grew up without experiencing those AOS - unloving parents, paid staff in the family home (his family were very well off). You would have thought he would find them priceless (this is what my sister finds incomprehensible) but in fact maybe he took those things for granted (cooking, and great cooking at that, cleaning, shopping, errands, mothering etc) as they were always done by paid staff? (He had a nanny)
Stuff to think about.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Guess I will have to make sure I go to bed tonight nice and early!
