I had some problems with H's behaviour throughout our M. But I never thought to just duck out. Neither did I know how to 'handle' my having a 'problem' with his behaviour.
Now, rather than H getting more mellow, thoughtful or whatever, he seems to be congealing into a more brutish, brutal, selfish set of attitudes. If he thinks he has been giving, giving, giving, all along, and has now decided to be MORE selfish, well, I can't imagine how that would look in any R that we had.
I most certainly would not want to land up with an even more selfish H than I already had. That would really be the booby prize!
This is not to say that everything in our M was his problem and I am blameless, but really, if after all this time I just came up with "I realise I have been giving and giving and giving, and I have now decided to be more selfish and cruel", how would that sound to H? Would it be attractive to ANY other person, invite them into a relationship with you? I don't think so, somehow.
As to my DBing, I don't know what has worked and what hasn't anymore. I really don't. Hence my confusion even about whether I should agree to lunch with H tomorrow or not.
I don't want to feel used. I suppose I need to be friendly, but my Christmas invite was a disaster. H still hasn't answered my question about why he felt he was here on sufferance. I can only think it was because I said 'no' to him staying on here with D while I went away.
Although come to think of it, ever since Christmas Eve when H's eyeballs were bulging out of his head with rage, just inches from my face, he has been quite friendly and mild. But he doesn't see the irony of calling other men bullies...
I would like some other people's perspective on all this. Those who have been with me for a while, what can you see that I can't?
Ellie, if you think that H is depressed and MLCing, and it can take YEARS to go through, I am not sure I can go through this for more YEARS. I feel it would be in my interests to cut off/separate from H financially in the long term if we are going to be apart for years or forever. I don't want H to have a handle on me for ever more.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
