Quote: Now - let's focus on you and the fabulous life you are going to create for yourself and the new people you are going to go out and meet. What are your goals? How are you going to solve the perennial babysitting problem? What are your work plans?
I went skating in town this evening, quite late, in an open air temporary ice rink, with the Christmas lights and thick fog all around... really nice!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I think I am in the grip of some depression, so I need to do something about it.
As I won't touch ADs, my plan is to start writing a list of things to accomplish the day before, for the next day, AND STICK TO IT. I cannot rely on the *feelings* I have on any particular day to get me through it and doing what I need to. I am too up and down.
I also need to make sure that I have up to an hour of exercise most days to clear the brain of the fog and get my spirits up, apart from the fitness benefits. Today I didn't particularly feel like going out skating in the freezing cold and dark, but as D held me to my promise to take her, I did, and I felt great afterwards!
I have to decide soon whether or not to put aside a fixed amount of time, like say two or three months, in which I do as much teaching work as comes my way, but do not spend any extra energy looking for, or fretting about finding, more of that kind of work because, with a little money I have put aside, I could 'subsidise' my attempt to get a contract of some sort for my personal work. If I don't push now, I feel I never will, and my work will get stale and old and unsellable with time.
I have agreed with H to pay some of the mortgage, now how I go about things is my business, not his, so I hope the monkey is off my back.
If I truly fail to get anywhere after three months, I will have to bite the bullet and get any old work I can to pay the bills. Whatever.
I am working hard on how I react to people. I mean my nearest and dearest. I am still so reactive, though much improved. I have D to practice on!
I a trying so hard to be much more mindful of how I correct or dicipline her. There is ALWAYS a choice about how to approach this, and so often I 'find myself' in rant/scold mode, when a simple, quiet, questioning look would have sufficed, had I given it a try. But I am getting better at letting go earlier on, not repeating myself more than just a few times in my scolds...
I am working on the rudeness issue with D at the moment. I don't let her get away with rudeness, even quite minor. I have had enough grief over H's rudeness, I can't let D grow up into a rude person. She is naturally a kind and empathetic little soul, so I have to work on that. But she has a problem (or I do, LOL!) with her tone sometimes.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
