Where's my sick bag? Ride getting bumpy!

[Livnlearn]

Still - loving detachment, drop the rope, GAL. You know the drill

Ellie

I have spent most of today on the computer, on this BB and elsewhere. Sort of 'wasted my time', but not really.

I read up a load of stuff, especially in the Midlife Crisis forum, and want to post a link to a thread by Snodderly and Heart's Blessings about MLC - here

It is very obvious to me now that my H is in a MLC. Too much of his behaviour has been described here in detail by others. It is comforting in a way, as it allows me not to take all the cr*p personally. It will help me to detach.

All this strange behaviour started WELL before the bomb, I was just too ignorant and uninformed to see it for what it was. I had no way of dealing with it in a constructive manner.

There does seem to be a cluster of personalites/behaviours that is common to MANY of the WAHs of the LBS folk posting here. Perhaps certain types of men with certain childhood experiences end up having such destructive MLCs. Because not all men end up like this.

I would describe my H as always being a little 'difficult' ('particular') but certainly not as bad as these days, or I wouldn't have married him! And naturally he has plenty of redeeming characteristics too.

He has a lot of growing up to do, as I do too. I hope he grows through this. I am being forced to do so!

If love is being there for someone, whatever the circumstances, then yes, I do love my H. He has not had anyone much in his life to offer consistent, unconditional love, except for his grandmother. Who is long deceased. And myself. I hope this doesn't sound boastful, but it is how I see things.

I certainly need to detach and take care of myself, and find myself, but I will not completely give up on H.

I know in my own mind I am far from being able to start a new R with anyone anyway. I do not give my love away lightly. I mean the kind of love one gives to a spouse. So there is no hurry. Maybe I will have the opportunity to start a new R with my own H.

I feel that H has precious little to rant and rave at me about now anyway. If he tries, I will just have to stand my ground. I will NOT let him push me and D out of the house. The law in this country is on my side about that.

I just listened once again to the voice message that he left me on New Year's Eve after D arrived at his place with the bags of shopping. He sounds really relaxed, happy and thankful for the stuff, and sincerely wishes me a nice time. Quite different from a few days before. Maybe this augurs well for 2005.

Livnlearn