I married this man, I loved and still love him, he has many faults and I don't find him 'easy', and I want to do things for him, things that will please him, still.
I have sat on my hands for the most part, I know he had an awful Christmas last year, because he told me about it. He was on his own and ill. I and D were in other country, we emailed back and forth quite a lot. It was shortly after the first tentative feelers had been put out.
I thought this year it would actually be a shame (I would feel ashamed) to think that my H (not ex in my eyes) and D's Dad would have a similar kind of Christmas almost under our noses. It all seems so *unecessary* to me!
Again, I feel responsibiltiy for H's Christmas. Does that mean I wish to control him? I don't know.
Of course, I have had New Year plans so as to pre-empt any rejection from H. What if I had said to him at the beginning, shall we celebrate Christmas and New Year together as a family with D? If he had said, no way, I have other plans (.... with OW or whatever) I would have felt crushed and humiliated, so I got going and made my own plans. I don't know if this (my New Year plan) affects H much or not.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
