Mojo - some truth in that article BUT - the reason most of us with children try to stick this through is because we know the greatest good to THEM is if we can salvage the relationship - not as it was, but in a new, healthier form. Ironically, that usually happens AFTER the LBS comes to the conclusion that they will be okay even without the WAS, so I agree that part is important. What I don't agree with is the idea that
Quote: If you have a serious relationship problem, you're obviously not getting what you hoped to get out of being in that relationship and it's not serving you to stay in it
This is the kind of thinking that led most WASs astray. I think, if you're not getting what you hoped to get out of the R, then your vows should lead you to do everything possible to WORK on that R until it does meet both YOUR needs AND your partner's. And yes, we have all seen with DBing that it is possible to do this with only one partner working on the R. And, if the R doesn't work out after all this, then the LBS has the satisfaction of knowing they did their best to fulfill their obligation.
Now, of course, this doesn't mean being a doormat or a victim - those are both really copouts from doing the difficult work of DBing and working on yourself. But it is clear to me that so many of our spouses - LNLs definitely included - are suffering from a sort of sickness, either depression or MLC or both. They are responsible for their actions and choices, surely - BUT - they are not in control of their thought processes much of the time, as depression seriously clouds their thinking.
There is a difference between being a victim or doormat, and having loving compassion for a previously good and loving spouse who is experiencing a serious crisis in their life. If you can reclaim yourself and pass through the crucible without taking the easy ways out of bitterness, you should reach a much better place, with or without your spouse.
