Quote: Isn't it important that H gets his carcenoma seen to (removed) as soon as possible? Doesn't delay increase the risk of something more sinister developing, or is that not the case?
Mostly the risk is of local spread, not metastasis - but i agree that April is way too long to wait. Don't know how much you can do, though, since he seems to resent you mothering him - on the other hand, we know he's confused and not too organized in his thinking right now. Perhaps if you said "gee, H, D and I are really concerned that you take good care of yourself, as we need you to be around to be D's dad. I know you've been feeling overwhelmed with things lately - would you like me to take care of making that appointment for you?"
Quote: So then H asked, going skiing? I laughed and said, if only! I have never been skiing in my life.
So - wouldn't this be a good 180 for you - to rent some equipment and go skiing???? I was 35 before I learned, and 46 when I started snowboarding, so it's not too late
Quote: Do you think H's blowout is to do with my having plans for New Year and him feeling left out?
Maybe - maybe not. Who knows. Could also have to do with guilt over Xmas, or just be residual bad mood from his interactions with OW1, or his frustrations with the way he's mucked up his life. Don't waste too much time trying to read his mind.
Just keep your PMA up, get out and try new things, become a more interesting, adventurous person who surprises him at every turn (and yourself!), and get yourself in a more financially independent situation (let's face it, even if he came back tomorrow, you would never want to be financially dependent on him again, would you?). Arrange a babysitting swap with some other parents so you can get out at night sometimes, and take up a new sport or hobby that will help you meet interesting new people.
I was 35 before I learned, and 46 when I started snowboarding, so it's not too late 
