Where's my sick bag? Ride getting bumpy!

[Livnlearn]

He is acting out because he is lonely and missing his home but terrified of going back to his "old" life.

Ellie, I would love to believe this, but what makes you so sure? Could it also not be that he is angry that he has to pay anything at all, and that he can't get on with his life completely unhampered? That he can't escape his responsibilities? Everything positive about my life, - nice home, happy D, going to see friends away, travelling in the summer etc, seems to bring on a severe case of resentment. I am having these things at his expense.

Do you think he really doesn't like to stay here because he is my 'ex-husband', or because it makes him uncomfortable to be reminded of what he has given up?

Maybe part of the answer is for you to have a "MLC" of your own - but in a good way? I mean, what really wild, adventurous, stretch-your-limits things have you done recently? I tried to use the concept "beginner's mind" to throw out all my preconceived notions and at least try things that I normally wouldhave dismissed.

Well, just getting this work up on the website is an achievment, it seems to be putting H's nose a tiny bit out of joint. Last year he told me he had a contract with a local company, and told me I should approach them, but very much in the manner of H knows best. I didn't think this company would be suitable for my work, so said nothing. Sure enough, when I asked H about the project yesterday, he said it had fallen through, as they wanted money from him, instead of giving him a payment or royalties. Total sharks. But last year he was in super arrogant mode, talked down to me as if to a lowly servant. I am plodding forward with my project work, slow but sure, he is leaping all over the plcae, a new idea every minute. Typical H. We are truly the hare and the tortoise.

Now, what other ideas?

I changed my hair colour in spring and I get compliments for it, people say it makes me look younger, H says he doesn't think I should colour it. Is this genuine, or is this annoyance that I have done something without consulting him, that he would never have imagined me ever doing (his words)?

I managed to look quite nice on Christmas. D asked why I was dolled up, I said, it is Christmas, if I don't today, then when?? H wears the same thing whatever the occasion, he doesn't do dressing up.

I would love to join an evening class, but don't have a baby sitter and can't afford to pay one, only if I got together with other mothers and worked out something would it be possible.

My second work project is also something I need to work on, it should yield me some income... if I market myself properly.

Although I have told H I will wait till April, I don't plan to just wait and mope by any means. Got to get myself out and about and H noticing.

Thanks Ellie

Livnlearn