Remember I sent up a written invitation to H with D, inviting him here over Chrsitmas and the day after? Thought this would show we wanted to include him, but I wasn't so pushy as to invite him for a whole week or whatever, so he wouldn't feel pursued or pressured?
Then HE asked if he could stay from Friday, then Thursday till the following Tuesday or Wednesday, and I said fine? Then HE changes it to arriving on Friday, and I said FINE.
Well, he turns up on Friday around lunchtime. He asks if he can do a wash (clothes), have a bath, shave... tells me he is very tired, wants to sleep after lunch as he hasn't been sleeping well, he has had an EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTING week....
I say fine to all of this, do his wash for him, he has a three hour sleep... We have a pleasant dinner.
Then, in front of D, H says, when are you going away? I say, well I was waiting to hear form you the exact days you would be having D so I can firm up my arrangements. H says, I told you I would have her about from the 30th till the 3rd or 4th... I said, OK, I will go ahead and make plans.
Then he says, while you are away, D and I could stay here. I say, please let's talk about this later (when D is not present, as I don't want H staying here while I am away, last time he allowed OW 2 to stay here after promising he wouldn't) but he wouldn't drop the subject, kept on at me for an answer. So I finally said, well, the anwer is no then, I'd rather not.
H got a look on his face that was pure hate and rage. He didn't say anything, but D kept asking him, why are you looking like that Daddy?
Then H looked at me right up close with his jaw clenched and said, you will have to compromise about something, I am not asking you, I am telling you! Threatening.
I said again, please can we talk about this later.
I started busying myself with washing the dishes. H had left the room and then came striding back, boiling with rage and aggression, yanked the object that was in my hand at that moment and hurled it aside, slightly hurting my finger in the process, and then slammed the kitchen cupboard door hard and looked like he was going to embark on one of his smashing his fist into things sprees. Although I was totally calm mentally, I was frightened, and my heart was thumping loudly. H looked as if he could start on me next... (he has a history of punching things, but has not punched me)
I left what I was doing and made to move away. I said, please calm down... or... (I was thinking of what to say) and H finished, what, call the police? Well, the thought had crossed my mind, he looked like he was going to trash the place.
H started shouting, look at all this - all that you can see here has been *stolen* from me. I have paid for everything in this f***ing house. I want you to give me my bank card now and agree to paying half the mortgage now, and his face was bright red with aggression and close up to mine. He repeated the same thing a few times very threateningly and I just retreated into my bedroom. He was NOT in any resonable state for talk or dicussion.
He then said, I can't stay here for Christmas, I agreed it may not be a good idea under the circumstances, he stormed out of the room, and made a phone call to OW 1 which I could hear through the walls, asking if he could stay there the following night for a couple of nights. He then disappeared into the room he was sleeping in and left me to myself.
(Just an aside, it emerged he had stayed most of last week with OW 1 but had gone up to his place for a night before coming down for his dinner with 'friends'.)
Guess what, I didn't sleep too well that night. But I wrote a note saying, D has looked forward to your days here for so long, she is so excited, please don't ruin her Christmas, stay as planned and on Monday or Tuesday she can go over to a friend's house to play and we can talk about all this stuff freely. I left it in the bathroom so he could see it when he got up the next morning. Oh, and I started the note with a validating - gosh, you must have had an exhausting week and you are all wound up....
Of course D was up early on Christmas day to check if Santa had been and to open her presents. H was still asleep. He seems to sleep well for someone so wound up! I got D to deliver the note to him, and he agreed to stay for Christmas and one more night.
So, we had an OK Christmas. Both H and I had bought a DVD for each other, a token, nothing too much. And I had bought a little joke present which he seemed to find quite amusing.
I had made a nice lunch, includig home made Christmas pudding which had had to steamed a total of eight hours, but my apetite was almost non existent. Then I did the washing up while H fell asleep on the sofa.
The whole day my mind was churning. When H was asleep, I went for a walk on my own in the park, and searched in my heart for what to do, some inspiration. I am not sure I got any, but I decided I had to go out on a limb, maybe not DB stuff at all, but I was ready for a LRT of some sort. I can't go on acting 'as if' under these circumstances for much longer. At times things are explosive.
I resoved to talk to H that night when D was in bed. I told her to cooperate about going to bed without a fuss, as I needed to talk with her Dad about important stuff. D said, I hope you won't shout like yesterday? I said, I certainly hope it won't come to that. Though in fact *I* didn't even raise my voice the night before, it was all H.
So anyway, the rest of the day passed off peacefully, H and D joined me in the park and we had a drink in a cafe, played cards in the evening, watched a DVD and then D went to bed.
Will continue in another post.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Well, here's what we talked about in no particualr order, we talked maybe two hours, and it wasn't very DBing stuff, although I did remember to validate a few times.
Here are a couple of things I mananged to validate - that H was finding it diffiuclt to come up with enough money to pay his committments to me and live well. And that he had been a help to me years ago when I had a family matter to sort out.
First off, H had informed me Christmas morning that he would stay the night and get a lift back up to his place on Sunday morning (so at least he wan't going to stay with OW 1) The landlord was going up again on Thursday, so I could send D up to him then, until the 4th.
I said to H that he was welcome to stay here until the Thursday, both he and I had work to be geting on with, so that was not a problem. He said, thanks, but no thanks. He said he feels he is here on sufferance. I was taken aback by that. I had invited him, laid on a full Christmas meal with trimmings, cooked and cleaned and washed up the whole two days he had been there, was pleasant and friendly, made sure there were presents to him from myself and D, what more was I supposd to do? It turns out that because H feels he 'pays for everything' (I am SOOOOOO tired of hearing that...) he should have the 'right' to come here, stay here and all that, that it is HIS place as much as mine.....
I reminded him that the reason I didn't want him staying here without my being here was that he wasn't able to guarantee not bringing OW here. He laughed, and said as if I would. Where have I heard that before? I said he broke a promise before, he said, oh that, we've already gone over that, OW turned up in the rain, and what, should I have turned her away? I said, yup! He said, I suppose I could have asked her to go to a hotel...
He said, OW 1 won't be coming here, I have had her all week crying and telling me she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, that last year (when she dumped him) was all a mistake, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life with OW 1! As much as I love her (OUCH!) she has problems, but she is on medication now (what, stops her being manipulative and telling lies????)
I am afraid I let fly, telling him about what a manipulative B she was, supposedly my friend and plotting to get H. H maintains that the PA didn't start until after he left (like the day after, so that's OK!) and I pointed out that the groundwork for the A was laid while he was with me, that under those circumstances he was NOT working (trying) on our marriage as he states he was. He said, I suppose so. He 'couldn't remember' a number of things I told him about. I told him I had cards and things written by him for him to see, in his own handwriting.
I pointed out that one of the things he states was the reason for leaving was my supposed out of control spending, that while I was away the month before the bomb, he looked at his bank statement and decided he couldn't live like that any more, money was at the base of our problems. I told him, that till date I hadn't had a chance to challenge his view that it was MY spending - the month before he had not paid/paid too late two utilites bills when he had gone away, they were threatenening to cut off supplies, he asked me (over the phone) to pay them again (that is, twice) to make sure and he would sort it out when he got back. I had NOT spent money in any untoward way. He just brushed my explanation away, said, whatever. I got indignant, said, WHATEVER????? You don't even approach me about this, assume it was my spending, and leave me and D because of it?? That's OK????
I told him I could never get over how he could have just upped and gone one day, after 1) writing me the most lovely letter to his 'wonderful wife' six weeks before and 2) assuring me he would NEVER jeopadise his M and family for a fling /OW. After getting those assurances, I go away on a trip and within the week he is telling people that he is going to email me that he is leaving me...
H agrees that that was not very nice to do. Says it was his error and regret that he didn't go about things better, but that anyway it is too late now, he has moved on.....
H tells me he has changed these last two years. I asked, very interested, in what ways? He says, I have become crueller. I said, great?!
He said, I have for too long just lived my life to please others, now I realise I have to please myself. I am the most important person in my life. (Isn't that a classic sign of MLC, especially when it flies in the face of the facts? Many think he was a most inattentive H)
H said, I am always giving giving giving, offering support. I asked, like what? He said - in relation to the OW, one financial and the other emotional. (So he felt the squeeze having to support his wife and D as well as OW 2. Well, Golly Gee.) H had quipped at another time, he didn't understand why OW 2 was poor, she was so good at so many things. But he has always had so many incrediable stories about/from her, that I am inclinded to believe that she makes some of it up, quite frankly. And H himself called OW 1 a fantastist last year. I asked, what about OW 1 wanting to get back together with her H? H replied with a dismissive wave of his hand, oh god, that's been over long ago. Just like 'bl**dy' H of OW 2 was 'bothering' them while H was in other country getting together with OW 2 way back in January this year. Totally callous about other people's suffering.
He said he ever used the word love any more, if people used it at all, it was for sure they didn't mean it. People were not equal. The sexes were not equal. He loved me during the first years of our marriage, then he stopped, though he couldn't put a date on it.
He had a 'connection' with OW 1 (I think he means sexual, she's up for more than I am - I have to draw the line at degrading, frankly)
Now he has OW 1, OW 2, me and D all saying they love him and want him. D and myself are considered on an equal footing with OW, it seems, in H's new world order.
Says D is the most well adjusted little girl he knows. So (by implication) this breakup doesn't affect her in any way. Well hello, I wonder how that happened, perhaps with me doing 'nothing' and stealing everything from him?????
Another time he mentioned that D doesn't have any bad habits, like biting her nails. D and I looked at each other, she bit her nails for three months after the bomb, and we gradually weaned her off the habit, it was OBVIOUSLY due to the stress and uncertainty of the times, she has never done it before or since. H was blissfully unaware that she had even been doing it. He was so busy in my country of origin telling my friends he was free at last, and then having it off with OW1 in his mountain love nest.
To be continued, I need a break!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
H made many references to ageing over the two days, how he was nearly 50 (he turns 45 next month, I am three months younger!!), how the backs of his hands look old, how he had a firm jawline (while looking at an old photo) and on and on. Another classic sign of MLC.
Also, the vanity. He was sitting there at one point, wearing a cotton knitted jumper which makes him look like a Breton fisherman, and complaining how cold it was. My heating was going full blast. I said, H, you need to wear wool in the winter, not cotton. Told him I had some old (but very good condition) wool jumpers of his still here. Went and got one. He looked at it and said dismissively oh that, I'm never going to wear that ever again! I said, why is that, because you don't look like a Breton fisherman in it (his current idea of cool) and he said, yeah.
I am the female here and yet H is far more worried than I am about ageing and looks. Go figure.
When he arrived on Friday, he walked straight in, no perfunctory kiss on the cheek even. Mentioned more than once that he had had an emotionally exhausting week. Made me feel like a hotel service, and yet I smiled and prepared and served meals and talked and joked as if this was all OK.
But back to our talk on Christmas evening.
I wanted to put him straight about the old 'Livnlearn never did anything in ten years of marriage' thing - I gave him a laundry list of things I had done, including money earned and how he had benefiitted from me. He was not able to refute any of them. But says that he always felt as if his earning money counted for nothing while everything that I did counted. Who said? This stems from the lawyers explaining to him that he needs to support me and D as I have been the main homemaker and child carer for the years of our marriage.
He said, if he could afford to come live down in the city, then he would take D off of my hands more. He seemed to not know that the amount he paid for D represented the whole cost of D's expenses, not just 'his half'. Said I was inflating the figure. When he was informed that it was the total figure, seeing as I was the one with full time custody, he looked outraged that he was paying for ALL of D's expenses. I don't know where that man keeps his brain. It's not in the right place these days. Anyway, he feels an even greater sense of entitlement now.
He empahsised how much he had worked in the marriage, I pointed out to him his own boast once of how he could do enough work to get by in six hours a day, and have the computer switched off by 2pm leaving him time to do other stuff the rest of the day, while my working week was always more than 30 hours with the house and D and him. Pointed out that just like the last two days, where I had shopped, cooked, served, washed up, done washing, cleaned house etc etc, I had been busy virutally the whole time while he was able to relax, have long naps etc.
And he replied, well, you wouldn't have been able to do all that if you had been working...
He admitted his own house was in a terrible state, dirty. I know his batchelor ways, he would not be able to run a HOME, as opposed to a pigsty, for D to live in long term.
He told me he had been so poor that once he had had nothing but rice and salt to eat for a number of days. I said really? but took it with a pinch of salt. He once told me ages ago that he had had no money to buy food while I was away visiting my family in other country (when we had less money than these days) and when I returned I opened the kitchen cupbaord to find loads of staples there - rice, pasta etc, that he hadn't been bothered to cook. What he meant was, he was too poor to go and eat out to eat or get a take away.
I know that D sometimes comes back very hungry from visits to her Dad. Yet, this man has bought expensive pieces of equipment this year, for himself.
I told him about the work on my website. He eventually took a quick look at it after I told him about it a couple of times, and set it up on my computer. He was again luke warmly congratulatory and told me to get it out and about more, in his patronsising way, like he's the one who knows.
(Talking of which, I have had some very, very positive reviews of my work (words like - breathtaking, outstanding, fantastic, beautiful, great, top, gorgeous, lovely, a treat, absolutely stupendous, deeply moving) - the only people who haven't been back to me immediately with any positive feedback after looking carefully at the site are -
1)H
2)my good friend here, she just said congrats in a gereral way and
3) my sister.
Is there something in this pattern?)
I told H that it was out of order to tell me that I had 'stolen everything he had', that if anything I was doing a fine balancing act of holding everything together in a holding pattern, waiting for his eventual awakening. Bad DBing I know, but I was working up to a LRT. I got tearful and emotional, told him I still loved him and held out hope that he would want to come back and work on our R, that I meant those vows when I said them.
He apologised for the 'stolen' comment.
H looked slightly touched/embarassed, gave my arm a squeeze and told me he was sorry but that it would never happen (him coming back).
This morning just before he left and we were having a coffee, I told him that whatever he thought on his side, I was telling him that I was prepared in my mind to wait till April before giving up and moving on. That would make it two years from the bomb. And since he is not deeply embroiled with an OW just now, he has some time and space to think things over.
I really am ready to do something. Cut the losses and grieve and get over him and eventually move on, or reconsile, but no more waiting around in this way. It is an untenable situation. And come April and he hasn't moved his position, I will take decisions that are totally selfish from my and D's point of view, won't take into account H at all, I can't afford to any longer. *If* it means D doesn't see her Dad that often, so be it.
I also said, I wanted his payments to me to be set up as a standing order so they were regular, and that I would undertake to pay nearly half the mortgage. I don't know where I will find it, but after that point, I know in my mind that he cannot harrass me a further minute about money, it will be what he HAS to pay for his D, full stop. No more whingeing.
He eventually agreed to that. Said we can do that next time he is down in town. At first he got angry and said, why should I trust you, I said, why shouldn't you trust me? I have kept the bank card because your payments to me did not arrive on time so I was forced to withdraw the money myself, I have not taken a penny more than the agreement.
When he left he gave me a hug (the first in ages, perhaps in about ten months).
I don't know if there are any positives here... this was no standard DBing stuff. I showed him my hand, but told him my deadline.
He stated that there was no chance he would come back, a couple of times. But he did smile at me, squeeze my hand once and give me a hug. Maybe just guilt, but better than being shouted at and having the place trashed.
He is not fixed up with a OW at present, though he will probably stay at OW 1's when he is town, he told me again he was my ex-husband.
Ellie, if you are reading this, I don't think he comes here to spend time with me, it is becuase he feels he is entitled to 'use' the home he pays for blah blah blah.
Now, I am left with a fridge full of uneaten food as I had catered for a five night stay, not a two night one. I gave some Christmas pud to H to take up. He will be reminded of me, ha.
To be continued...
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
LNL - does really sound like MLC. I think you did all right in your convo with him. He is acting out because he is lonely and missing his home but terrified of going back to his "old" life.
Maybe part of the answer is for you to have a "MLC" of your own - but in a good way? I mean, what really wild, adventurous, stretch-your-limits things have you done recently? I tried to use the concept "beginner's mind" to throw out all my preconceived notions and at least try things that I normally wouldhave dismissed.
Just remembering a few more things that came up over the two days.
One thing, H stated himself that he had a single and a double bed up at his place. He said he never used the single bed, he might get rid of it, but earlier when we had all that argy bargy about OW1 and D's sleeping arrangments, he wrote in a rage that I had the luxury of a big flat, that he didn't, but he had a bed for D all along...
When playing cards, he kept talking about his character - always taking risks (being impulsive) and not being a consolidator. He would rather cut and run than stick around to clean up his messes, ever, in his home life, relationships, financials, even with physical objects, I have never known him to do a repair, just dump the object.
(Here's a tale that illustrates our two characters. He once bought a pair of expensive 'techinical' gloves, as he likes to call things made out of fancy materials. From an outdoor clothing shop. In the days when we didn't have much moeny at all. He used them for a while, and then the seams started coming apart, so he threw them in the bin. I found them, did a painstaking repair job on them. When he caught me with them, he got angy, and said, I threw those away! I said, I know, and I picked them out and am repairing them! Then months later, I was using them and he said quite annoyed, those are MY GLOVES! And being the nice person that I am, I said, OK, here they are, you wear them! He couldn't even remember throwing them away. Can you credit it?)
When I asked him if he was ever going to face these things, he told me it was his problem, I wasn't some guru or something and not to patronise him. I couldn't help pointing out that it did have some bearing on those around him. These things seem not to have entered his head.
When I told him how hurt I was when he ignored, or worse, swore at me when I had a bad back, he admitted that he couldn't handle the fact that he had married an energetic, fit person, and he couldn't cope with any neediness or weakness. What does this say about the man? Should I just drop him like a hot brick as so many people advise?
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Quote: Should I just drop him like a hot brick as so many people advise?
Hi LNL,
As I told Karen earlier today, I'm not exactly the best person to give out advice or opinions as Zoo always told me if she wanted to show someone what NOT to do, she would have sent them to my thread!
But, I think that is a question that only you can answer. From the outside other people can see and say many things. But there are other factors involved that people on the outside can't see. Such as he is D's father, I would assume you still have feelings for him or you wouldn't be working so hard. There are reasons you fell in love with him and reasons you still care for him. Aren't those reasons and feelings still there?
There are bound to be good points to offset the bad that are showing themselves currently. As poor Sage keeps having to remind me, People are gray, not black and white and they don't fit in a catagory of either all good or all bad. Sometimes they have habits that really annoy us but in the big picture are those things the things that will really matter in our lives?
Only you can tell when you are truly ready to move on. I don't know how that feels yet. I think at times I am there but then I find myself still missing D something awful. Not that I have a choice, but I suppose being ready to move on is a process you have to work through to reach!
I hope I just made some sense. When I thought it before posting it sounded like it made sense.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Considering how ugly Friday night was, Christmas passed off surprisingly well. H cools down quite fast after blowouts. Just 36 hours after his outburst, he was hugging me a little tenderly, and it was initiated from his side, not mine. I suppose that says something.
Also, I pointed out to him I had never seen his place, so he said I should come up some time.
He has vague plans to spend six weeks in my country of origin, researching his project.
At one point, I said to H, H I don't understand something, we have SOOOOOO much in common (interests and work), yet instead of helping each other, we are at loggerheads, why is that? And he sort of mumbled, shrugged.
He said that communication was always bad during our marriage, he felt he could never tell me what he was really thinking. I said, how come? I used to plead with him to tell me what was up, and he wouldn't say anything. He says now that we are not married (!!!!) we can talk about the things that we didn't talk about. I didn't rise to the bait and correct him about the technicalities of being married or not.
He said as he lives his life and gets older, the one thing he knows is that the whole idea of principles is hogwash, the world is really run by people doing what they want and being unprincipled. "Principles" were just a pretence. I forgot to validate, instead I posed the idea that priniciples were an ideal that some people strove for, if they fell short it was less a 'pretence', more a human failing. He didn't disagree.
Before H arrived, I was telling D that when her Dad was here we would sort out the broken blind in her room. D said, yes, Daddy needs to do it because he is strong! I groaned inside, and said, no, I can do it, it is just that it needs two adults because one has to hold it while the other fixes the mechanism. I am the DIYer around here, though H THINKS he is...
So when H is here, he tells me the blind is broken and I say, yes, I was waiting till you came, so we could fix it together. H says, you need to call a technician, and proceeds to tell me how it works, which in fact I don't think is the case, I tell him how I think it works, and he says, you may be right. But as he is gone in a trice (three days early), the blind never got fixed. Nor did he take his boxes of stuff up the three flights of stairs to the attic (which he said would only take 20 minutes - you know, typical P/A stuff, everyting is so 'easy' - will get done tomorrow etc, only it never gets done.)
Let me see, when I read on these boards that WAHs come over and fix things in the house, check on things, shovel snow and all that, I can tell you, my H hasn't done a THING for me in all this time, not one. He is not practically minded, and he doesn't see it as his responsibility. Not at all.
I think H would love for me to decide to move away from this country, cause we would have to sell the house and then he would get access to his share of the equity, which he doesn't have access to at the moment. But he has said he would never buy a house again, it is too much of a liability, so he would run through the money in no time, I can guarantee that. I stopped short of telling him that this house was some security for HIS old age. He really seems to want to escape all responsibility. I have no idea what he thinks more custody of D would mean (it is something he vaguely talks about as a way of paying me less), that he still wouldn't have to bother getting and maintianing a decent home for her to stay in. The ONLY home he has had since leaving his own parent's home is our marital home. Before that he was semi nomadic and lived in relative squalour, not from lack of money but from lack of any nest building skills.
Anyway, I'm tired and have to catch up on two nights of disturbed sleep. By the way, he mentioned my depression again, saying how I slept in the afternoons. Well, it is very rare indeed, I just did it a couple of times on H's recent visits partly out of not having much better to do when he was sort of ignoring me and playing with D. Then he looked sheepish as he remembered that he had slept both afternoons here, once for three hours when he had to be woken up by D who wanted to do things with him. He says he doesn't sleep much these days.
Oh, and I asked him about his hospital appointment, and he again said, oh, I forgot again.... I wonder if the woderful OW 1 has ever reminded him to go get his appointment? When he spends days at her place right next to the places he can get the appointment....
You know, I don't want to nag, but I do worry about this complete lack of taking anything seriously.
Ok, to bed soon.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Hope you are getting some rest. I didn't really mean to be talking me down. Just that since I didn't do too much right, I can look back and see that on my own, towards saving my marriage I hesitate to hand out any advice or thoughts.
Quote: My worry is that *if* H ever comes back he will still be exactly the same...
I certainly understand this feeling. In the beginning I would have wanted D back in any shape or form.
At the end I realized the man he had changed into is not really someone I would want to spend the rest of my life with, it would drive me nuts!
But maybe your H will come out of his MLC soon.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: He is acting out because he is lonely and missing his home but terrified of going back to his "old" life.
Ellie, I would love to believe this, but what makes you so sure? Could it also not be that he is angry that he has to pay anything at all, and that he can't get on with his life completely unhampered? That he can't escape his responsibilities? Everything positive about my life, - nice home, happy D, going to see friends away, travelling in the summer etc, seems to bring on a severe case of resentment. I am having these things at his expense.
Do you think he really doesn't like to stay here because he is my 'ex-husband', or because it makes him uncomfortable to be reminded of what he has given up?
Quote: Maybe part of the answer is for you to have a "MLC" of your own - but in a good way? I mean, what really wild, adventurous, stretch-your-limits things have you done recently? I tried to use the concept "beginner's mind" to throw out all my preconceived notions and at least try things that I normally wouldhave dismissed.
Well, just getting this work up on the website is an achievment, it seems to be putting H's nose a tiny bit out of joint. Last year he told me he had a contract with a local company, and told me I should approach them, but very much in the manner of H knows best. I didn't think this company would be suitable for my work, so said nothing. Sure enough, when I asked H about the project yesterday, he said it had fallen through, as they wanted money from him, instead of giving him a payment or royalties. Total sharks. But last year he was in super arrogant mode, talked down to me as if to a lowly servant. I am plodding forward with my project work, slow but sure, he is leaping all over the plcae, a new idea every minute. Typical H. We are truly the hare and the tortoise.
Now, what other ideas?
I changed my hair colour in spring and I get compliments for it, people say it makes me look younger, H says he doesn't think I should colour it. Is this genuine, or is this annoyance that I have done something without consulting him, that he would never have imagined me ever doing (his words)?
I managed to look quite nice on Christmas. D asked why I was dolled up, I said, it is Christmas, if I don't today, then when?? H wears the same thing whatever the occasion, he doesn't do dressing up.
I would love to join an evening class, but don't have a baby sitter and can't afford to pay one, only if I got together with other mothers and worked out something would it be possible.
My second work project is also something I need to work on, it should yield me some income... if I market myself properly.
Although I have told H I will wait till April, I don't plan to just wait and mope by any means. Got to get myself out and about and H noticing.
Thanks Ellie
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Then I did the washing up while H fell asleep on the sofa.
He said, I suppose I could have asked her to go to a hotel...
